Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Jeckle Freckle

Ah yes, panic.  This is about things that go through your mind, you worry, you ask, you don’t agree with the doctor.  You go home and then poof - the answer appears.

So, I have this freckle/mole on the back of my leg.  I call it a freckle, because it’s flat, but it’s dark.  The kind of dark your step brother tries to brush off you because he thinks it’s a bug – then feels silly because it wasn’t.  (Thanks by the way, if it was a bug and you saw it but didn’t brush it off, I’d have been upset)!!

So, the other day this spot hurts.  I think, what’s going on, this is a freckle, why does it feel like ten thousand pin pricks.  Oh my, has it changed?  Husband, has it changed? 

Husband looks, not sure he’s ever noticed it before, he says it looks fine.  Fine indeed, the thing hurts.  You know what they say when a mole changes….dire, dire things.

I call my doc to get a referral to a Dermatologist.  After three days, I call again – c’mon people, I have a mole that has changed and it hurts!!  The weekend goes by, I call again, I need this referral, my mind is racing – we have lost a precious week.

They call back, I’m all set – call the Dermo, make appt – go in three days later.

Dermo looks at it, says it’s fine.  Fine??  Fine??  It hurts – freckles don’t hurt!!

He says, let’s freeze it, it will blister and flake off in a week – you’ll be good to go.  

What?? Get rid of it?  No biopsy, no test results – are you nuts?? Just let it flake away, I could die here (of course, we all will someday…)

Then he says, there are five more here, want me to get rid of those too?  FIVE?????  I try to look behind my leg at the awkward spot they are in, I can’t see them – FIVE MORE?  I have SIX hideous marks on the back of my leg, all in one area?  

Oh world, I am so sorry – I had no idea that my shorts showed off SIX big dark, bug impersonating, freckles.  Yuck.

Step brother, you must have thought I sat on an entire ant pile…. not just one “bug” but six? Guh, should have put myself in front of a mirror then – I knew about the one, but six?  Oblivious.

So, he freezes them.  Of course I don’t want them on my leg anymore, even if I don’t agree with his treatment of the one that hurts.

Then I come home.  Rosie, you remember Rosie – the dog we also call Trouble, yeah sweet little Rosie – well she jumps on my leg and I just about come out of my skin with zinging pain. 

Ooohhhhh!  Lightbulb moment.  Um, the doctor does indeed know best and I am a pain in the ass patient worrier.

You see, Little Miss Rosie’s toenails hit exactly the spot where that mole is when she jumps up on my leg to say hello, I’m so excited your home.  No wonder the dam thing hurts, she has been scratching the same spot for six months now…  Yes, the mole has changed, but nature didn’t do it, Rosie did – Oh Rosie….

Monday, October 28, 2013

Big Foot is Alive and Well in The D!!

Whew, don’t worry I got him! 

Found him just down the road. 

He’s hidden – inside this Halloween Tree – at the local ACE Hardware store – in Detroit (east side).

Um, yeah – so a Halloween Tree.  Never heard of one?  Me either.  But look, there it is, I got a picture of it. No question about it, it’s a Halloween Tree.

You see world, this is why we haven’t been able to find Big Foot before.  Here we were looking in the woods, through regular pine and deciduous trees, in what we thought was his natural habitat – the woods.  When all along we should have been looking in madey-uppey trees, inside inner city hardware stores. 

I say he fits in the tree pretty well, you can’t even see him for all the crazy looking ribbons and plastic spiders affixed to the outside.  Come to think of it, this might not even be a tree.  It could be the wookie himself in costume for Halloween, decorated like a Halloween Tree (if there were such a thing…).

Anyway, we only have a couple more days to catch him, after that the “costume” becomes useless.  I would watch for him at your door, there is a good possibility he might be trick or treating this year.  Like I said before, the d├ęcor affixed to his fur camouflages him nicely.  Of course the big green feet give him away a little bit.  Perhaps they are also camouflaged??

Who knows, maybe next month he will paint those feet yellow and dress up like a giant Thanksgiving Turkey.  In December, he can be an actual Christmas Tree, January – a big Snowman and February – Cupid.  Oh the list is endless.  If you think about it, he can blend in as anything “larger than life” really.

You see people, this is why he has been so elusive all of these years, he is right under our noses dressed as the giant mascot of the next month or holiday!  

Wow – this is big people, really, really BIG!!!  

Even Big Foot likes it here in the “D”, take that ye Detroit doubters!!  Hehe – we got em! 

Friday, October 25, 2013

Double Entendre

Hmmm, I don’t think they thought this one all the way through.  That or I just have a terrible mind.

Should I fill you in?  Yes, that would be great wouldn’t it?

There is a commercial on TV right now, you may have seen it?  It chronicles a mother talking about her daughter, bringing her little girl home from the hospital, going to school, etc  - all in the same car.

I remember the first time I heard the commercial, I had to stop to make sure it wasn’t a parody on Saturday Night Live.  Nope, it’s daylight out – are they serious?  Yes, yes they are, this is a real commercial.

Of course I am not going to mention the manufacturer, but if you are a car savant – this is an actual picture of the correct car featured in the commercial.  Why this view of the car? Well, let me finish the story to fill you in all the way in - or refresh your memory if you have heard the commercial before.

They get through all the life events – then the mother says – and I quote “The backseat of my car is where she grew up”.  

Ummm, I bet she did mommy, but why are you broadcasting it?  Really – did they think this one through, all the way (so to speak…haha)      
Or is it just me whose mind goes completely to the wrong place when you say your daughter grew up in the backseat of your car?  It can’t be, it can’t be just me.  

I swear this commercial makes me stop in my tracks every time I hear it and I keep thinking, this had to be some kind of joke by the ad agents to see if it would really go on the air – and guess what boys – it really did! 

So glad I don’t work at that car company, I would feel obligated to point this out to them, where I would think the looks of “what is the matter with your head girl”? may possibly cross their faces.    
But don’t worry ad agency, the joke wasn’t lost on me…..

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Ding! Big Brother DOESN'T Always Know Where You Are

Ding!  Hey, Hey – look at the message on my phone.

WooHoo, I'm abroad!  Now I wonder what I’m doing?

Could I be on a tropical beach somewhere?

Am I in Europe, traveling the canals of Italy?

Might I be in Australia, looking at the Opera House and the bridge?

Or could I be in Brazil, checking out the set up for the upcoming World Cup?

Wow, I wonder if I am having fun?  It’s not every day your phone beeps at you and tells you you're abroad!  

And look how expensive it will be if anyone calls or texts me – wow, that’s a doozie, I’ll have to be careful not to use my phone, you know – while I’m abroad.  No unnecessary phone calls “back to the US” here…

Except for the fact that I am in a parking lot, at a local hospital, in Michigan.  Nope, that’s not as fun as being abroad – no sir.

Now I’m going to have to call the phone company, and sit on hold for the rest of the day to fix this.  Also not as fun as being abroad.

Do you think they knew I *blogged about their “tidy” employee just last Monday and now they are paying me back? 


*(Cleanliness is next to? Posted 10/21/13)

Monday, October 21, 2013

Cleanliness is Next To?

So the ATT truck was across the street the other day, I glanced over and then I looked again.

It’s quite obvious they don’t have any inspections or yearly inventories (hey, I have a suggestion for the suggestion box).  As I look at our ridiculously expensive cable bill – I now understand why the cost goes up every year.

Ummm, just exactly how is this person supposed to get anything done?  I mean, finding something, anything, of use must take an enormous amount of time – like hours.

I realize that they are paid by the hour and protected by the union, but I don’t know – there’s something to be said about knowing what tools you have to be able to do your job – or not.
We generally see the ATT truck when there is a wire down somewhere.  So, if there is a wire down somewhere, someone is without whatever it is that you sell them.  

And the reason you are here is to fix whatever it is that is a problem, because my guess is someone called, upset, that whatever it is that they are paying for from your company, isn’t working. 

I don’t know.  Maybe your job got monotonous and you decided one day that every day would become a treasure hunt!  Do I have what it takes to fix the problem?  Hmmm, let me see, no, no, no, nope that’s not it, this either – what if I crawl on the pile and look in the back.  I think I vaguely remember needing that piece before, I had it then.  

Let’s see, I always wanted to mountain climb, but being there are no mountains around, why not treat my truck as an exciting vacation destination?  Tell me, who else can say that every day they go to work is an adventure – literally….   

Ahhhh, I wonder what the inside of his house looks like?  Actually, no, I really don’t…