Friday, January 31, 2014

No Post Today

Sorry world, I'm sick.  Thanks for checking on me - I meant to put something up, but me and my kleenex box are tight right now and I can't seem to get out of bed or find my way out of the haze.

See you Monday - hopefully in a better frame of mind

Friday, January 24, 2014

Lost in Translation

Say you find yourself in Madrid and you want a cold beverage.

You come across this place and you think – great, an Ale Hop place – sounds perfect!

Being American, we are very fond of hoppy beers and occasional ale to cool you off during a hot day is a good thing too.  Of course it was 30 degrees out, so a hoppy beer was a better bet for the climate of the day.  A good IPA (India Pale Ale) can take you a long way.

Then we get a little closer.  Look close – that is a cow, yup a cow peeking out.   

Ok, so their mascot is a cow – whatever, I’ve seen worse and this is a meat loving country, so maybe cows are a common symbol of patriotism.  No biggie – I too like cows.

But we are getting closer and this in not looking like a pub.

Nope, it is not looking like a pub at all.

Oh – it’s a store.  Ok, well, maybe Ale – Hop isn’t the best name for a store, but then again, maybe it means something entirely different in Spain.

Wanna know what they sell, since it is not hoppy ales?

Ok,it’s kitchen utensils, blankets, small children’s toys, bathrobes, jewelry AND sex toys.  

Hmmm, the cow is kind of a kitschy draw, kids probably pat the cow and then go in for the trinkets and colorful jewelry – maybe even a blanket – but sex toys and kitchen gadgets (the movie Turner and Hooch anyone? Or was it K9?) 

Anyway, you can’t get a beer – so don’t sidle up to the sales girl and ask for one – at least not yet, they could still come around…..maybe run the tap right out of the udders - it could happen...

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Brrrr!! Boo!! Brrrr!!

Ok, I’m just going to come right on out and say it – My dog peed Casper the Friendly Ghost!

I’m not sure if this is an omen of things to come, I mean – she is on her way to 16 years old.  But my guess is that Casper just came to play with her – after all – he is a “Friendly Ghost” and she’s a true delight herself.

Now, think what you want about the ghostly pee – it is really pretty cool.  But it’s a piddle, how can it be cool you say?

Well – let me tell you.  I was already going to take a picture of the piddle because it had frozen to the ground, mere seconds after she took it.  

She went out, did her stuff and I went out to help her up the stairs into the house and said – huh – that’s cool – the yellow piddle is frozen.  Then I looked closer and it wasn’t flat – it had height. So before it spread and completely flattened out – it froze!  My God – I know its cold out, but wow – frozen pee in seconds. 

So I went in to get my camera and then got distracted.  

In the meantime it started to snow. 

I was leaving the house to do some errands and then saw we had been visited by Casper!!
See, not only was the original stand up frozen yellow puddle cool – but then it turned into Casper the Friendly Ghost with the light coating of snow.  

Really, you can’t deny me – this is cool!!!

Now if only I could figure out how to sell it on ebay – I mean – the Jesus toast made thousands of dollars and now Amazon is selling a toaster that puts his image on the toast – on purpose. 

Of course, there is a huge difference between toast and pee, and it is frozen, and it is in the driveway – all things that make it hard to sell and even harder to ship.  

I guess we’ll just have to keep it here – but not to ourselves… You’re welcome!!

Monday, January 20, 2014

Say What You Mean

We were going out for dinner and a few drinks at a very popular bar in a hipster part of town and as we entered posted on a most professional sign was this information…..

Here’s the thing – is this really a problem?   

And as you read it, you realize that is has been made very generic, there were specific targets of “style”, but someone dumbed it down.  I think they really should have said what they meant.

I mean the most minor of requests on this sign is “Must Have Shoes” – who is walking around the city without shoes??  Or if you really want to get technical, it should say “Must Wear Shoes”, because I am sure most everyone HAS a pair of shoes.

And what if your hat is supposed to be worn sideways, like a ladies 1940’s hat pinned to the side of the head – it could happen, a girl could get retro fancy for a night out.  Again, don’t they mean trucker baseball caps?

And sleeveless shirts?  Umm, I suppose putting “No Wife Beaters” would be a bit crass.

As for the underwear showing, I know where they are going, like please wear your belt fastened securely at your waist and not your knees.  

If I may, I would like to also add, no visible plumber’s ass crack.   

Again, the hubby and I were having a few beers (at another bar) the other night and this guy was very proud of – and I quote – his “Back Vagina”.  Yeah thanks buddy, NO ONE, needs to see your large hairy lower back area and once that awful visual was proudly given a name, it really is seared into your eyes pretty much forever.  

And what’s the problem with athletic pants?  I don’t get that one.  Ohhh, I bet they mean pajama bottoms on women.  You know how ladies walk around in public in PJ bottoms and think they are acceptable outerwear.  That must be it.

But beyond that, it seems you are allowed to go barefoot and sleeveless in your athletic pants, with your underwear showing all the while wearing your hat crooked at any other time of day but during prime bar hours?

I made them a new sign, because what they really meant was this:

Of course there is no mention of going shirtless, therefore – if Justin Bieber can pull his pants up and take the crooked trucker cap off, he would be welcome in this establishment.  Not that we want him anywhere near our state, but apparently there is no law in this eatery against shirtlessness.  Bad call.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Shell Art?

As you know, we recently had a lovely vacation on a relaxing island over the Christmas break.  And as you do on most island vacations, you search the beaches or stores for a few shells or items made of shells to take home as souvenirs of your trip.

But since we were on a volcanic island, the only thing the beaches had were lava rock in a choice of brown or black (and yes, I did bring a few pieces home to display with my other rocks in the windowsills).  

A few inlets had a bit of sand, but somehow I think that was shipped in.

Even the golf course used lava rock for its “Sand Traps”.  I know, cool huh?  Unless you are a golf club, then it’s a bit rough – haha, get it – rough...

Therefore wasn’t it nice to know that the stores there had our backs?

I mean, since there were no shells that I could see on this island to pick up and bring home, they took care of that for us in the gift shops, by providing these .

Look, I snapped a couple photos.

For a mere 8.95 Euro, you could bring home one of these lovelies!

Now which do you prefer – the 40 shell base tank or the ever so scary big pointy bulleted jet plane?

Hmm, neither?  Me either.  I could just imaging going through the security line to get on the plane with one of these beauties in my bag.  But officer, we are just coming back from the beach and I wanted to bring some shells home for the family….

Security, can we get some security over here – back up, we need back up!!  

Lady – come with us, can we see that passport again??  American?  Sure you are.  No Americans come all the way to this island – they go to the Caribbean or Mexico.  Why is your husband’s passport not from the US?  Is that your natural hair color?  What other names do you go by, you have how many aliases?  No, just leave your shoes there – you won’t be needing them where you're going.  

Bought these in a gift shop,huh?  indeed.