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Monday, January 13, 2014

Lake Acetaminophen



It took me a while to figure it out.  Why on some random nights did I become a single person floodplain?

Has anyone ever taken Tylenol PM?  Yes?  

Well, on those nights have you ever noticed that indeed while you do get some sleep, you also get an added bonus?  This isn’t limited to the PM edition of Tylenol, any Acetaminophen (Midol, Panadol, Paracetamol) taken at any time of day does it for me. 

Let me share…(probably too much)

I’ve always been a night furnace.  I joke that when I sleep at night, all 3000 calories that I have eaten the day before burn off simply by catching a good night’s sleep.  It keeps me thin and the hubby warm.  But on occasion the combustible furnace becomes a steam boiler.

It was so random.

Lake Acetaminophen accumulates right between the boobies in the chest cavity.  Quickly the lake becomes River Tylenol and streams down my mid-section.  The river gives way to Midol Falls and flows down my rib cage like Niagara.  As an added bonus, the Paracetamol Reflecting Pond collects only in my right arm elbow crease.  I have no idea where that comes from and why there isn’t a sister pond in my left elbow crease.   Head, dry as a bone – just my middle and right elbow.

Miserable.

You wake up, get up, fetch a towel and come back to a cold damp sheet – yuck-o!

It took me forever to figure out why this was happening.  I was worried that I was having early “women’s change” symptoms (please, I have enough to deal with; please don’t bring these fun challenges to me any earlier than necessary).  But they were so random, it made no sense. 

Then it hit me, it was only when I took Tylenol PM or Midol that Lake Acetaminophen and its tributaries came to be.  

Now, whenever these meds and I partner up, a hand towel gets wrapped around my middle and the night is my personal calorie burning furnace again – just with a little extra steam to keep my skin soft and supple through the cold winter months, like a spa.  

Ahhh, there is an upside to everything, isn’t there?

But really, maybe - just maybe, the flooding should be noted in the side effects.  "Use of this product could cause warping to bed frame while sleeping."