Oh my, I think something might be wrong with this man!
Look, he’s out sunning himself in all his glory – on the glorious island of Lanzarote – but something is very wrong.
I’m not sure it completely translates, but I think it does.
What he is not - is tan, what he is - is orange. A very interesting shade of orange.
I came out the back door of our villa (oohhh, that sounds pretentious doesn’t it??) OK, our rented villa – shared between four people, in the heavenly sun on December 25th. Yes, Virginia, this was Christmas Day… And this fella was sunning himself.
I couldn’t help but stare, I tried not to be THAT person, but it was impossible. I had never seen a human carrot before – just dye his hair green and we’d all be wheeling him in for the biggest vegetable prize.
He seemed quite content, as one would be not freezing in the chill back home, no matter where home was – we were all escaping some sort of winter misery.
But me thinks he planned a little too far in advance and maybe his plan had a flaw – like, don’t use the QT bottle from 1979 you still have in the cupboard – it will turn your skin orange. That’s the reason it is still in your cupboard – no one ever used it, because of this reason!
Just show up in all your pasty white glory and sport it proudly like the rest of us, no one thinks we are locals. Slather on the sun screen and spend three days getting some color – even if the color is pink. Pink is a normal skin shade, one of sunburn (or base color as my husband calls it). Orange – well orange is not.
So there is a TV series called “Orange is the New Black”, maybe they should have a spin-off based on a tropical island and scout for fellas like these. Although it might not do as well, because Orange is certainly NOT the new Tan.
Head to the local spray tanner if you must, but by all means put down /throw out that old white bottle (with the turquoise cap) of QT, they don’t make it anymore – with good reason.
And yes, my Photoshop skills are improving somewhat, his face was blocked out AND I kept within the lines…..yeah!