Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The Scruffy Church You Say?

Well yeah, it does seem a little scruffy around the edges – the late 1970’s wood is missing a sign that was obviously there for years, the street curb is quite unsightly and the lawn, well it is actually a bit scruffy.  But if you tidied the place up a bit, would you have to change the name to Neat Church?  Seems expensive to have to change the sign all the time, don’t you think?

Or do you think this is a church for dog’s?  Here Scruffy – we got a big treat for you – look, we named our church after you and for that – you have to play the baby Jesus in the Christmas Nativity Scene – it’s the least you can do to thank us.  No worries, well get a big sweet yellow lab to play Mary and good solid strong Rottweiler to play Joseph.  The rest of the cast and crew can be mutts, just like you Scruffy.  Doesn’t that sound great?

No?  Then is it a church for men with two day old razor stubble?  They certainly could be considered scruffy and if you work a Monday through Friday job, there is a good chance that by Sunday, many men will be sporting some kind of wicked stubble.  Therefore, there could be a reasonable sized congregation of men with Sunday stubble – not a very good premise, but indeed a possibility.

Not buyin it? Well there is Scruffy Scruffington from the TV Cartoon Futurama, this could be his fan Headquarters.  Not that a cartoon character needs a fan club, but then again look at Mickey Mouse, Hello Kitty and all the Marvel comic book characters – who am I to say who should have a fan club or not?

Hmmm, well I’m all out of scruffs.  

Let’s just guess that this is the epitome of a “come as you are” church and instead of advertising this fact, they just named the church something that no one could miss.  You can miss advertising and you can want to go to church but realize you are in raggedy work clothes and might not feel welcome.    

BUT, if you passed this church sign and you were thinking, man it’s Sunday – I should be in church – well then you’re in luck, just pull in the lot – I’m sure everyone is welcome – but just to be safe, make sure you haven’t shaved that day and bring the dog….

Friday, November 14, 2014

Mother Nature, I'm Worried About You

I know it can all be very confusing, calling the weather patterns Polar Vortexes, Arctic Oscillations, El Nino, La Nina –etc,  but this has never bothered you before.  You have headed us out of the Ice Age and into Global Warming (a natural progression perhaps?? Of course the Dinosaurs may not agree – damn cavemen and their campfires….).

But I would like to share the date with you – it is November 14th, and that alone means it is officially Fall.  Ok, so we have that part right judging by the pile of Oak and Maple leaves we have raked into a pile in the street.

Also shown above is a bright green lawn, which in NOT a part of Fall.  Matter of fact, a bright green lawn is not even part of the end of Summer.  Generally all goes brown from heat and lack of rain sometime in late August, but no this year with all the flood producing rain – we are still mowing the pretty lushness of it all in mid November.  Weekly – like it was June or something! 

I’d like to address the snow now.  Please, didn’t we have enough last year (all the way through April)?  You remember last year, there was so much snow, we had nowhere to pile it up anymore, after each snowfall our roads got thinner and thinner, until we were driving down tracks in the middle of the street – and they were plowed!!  It is only November and while we do live in Michigan, which is known for its beautiful snowy Winters, um, it’s NOT Winter yet – can we please not rush things along?

Ok, so what have we learned from this Miss Nature?  That is it Fall – yes ,that it is indeed Fall.  And we need the rest of the leaves to drop from the trees before you cover it up with a blanket of icy white stuff.  And when do we cover things with icy white stuff?  Yes, that is correct Winter, Winter is when we cover the land in snow. 

Shall we touch upon the lovely green lawn, contrasting with the dull gray skies and dormant brown trees now?  Yes, good, the lawn also goes dormant and maybe you should make that happen immediately, so we are not out in our hats, scarves, mittens and winter boots mowing it – that is just not natural – its 30 degrees, I can see my breath.  The beauty of all things green should have left us by now, it just looks odd.  

Lest I forget, can we address the 30 degree weather too?  Yeah, that is also an early Winter temperature for the daytime – remember low 50’s and high 40’s?  Great – well, that’s where we should be right now – so can you also correct that?  The deer hunters and the Thanksgiving Parade goers would appreciate it highly.

Thanks Mother Nature – if you need anything, Kleenex, Nyquil, some Aspirin – just ask – I’ll be happy to share.  We need you better soon, because this is all wrong, so very wrong.

Monday, November 10, 2014

But There is Plenty of Space, See?

Hubby and I took off for warmer climes the other day and someone decided we were not leaving without her.

She climbed in my carry on, tucked her head in and laid down.  Of course she must have been thinking, “If I can’t see them they can’t see me - all will be well”. 

Now of course this was not to be, but she is a dog and it is pretty clever – for her.  She may win an award for being one of the sweetest dogs in the world, but she will never be in the running for the smartest….

Anyway, back to Barnacle Rosie – the dog I cannot get out of the path of, because she is always firmly affixed to some part of my body – no matter how awkward.   I have to beg the husband to physically take her off me when he gets home from work because there is only so much Rosie one can take in a day - to which she then promptly attaches herself to him.  

The thought of us packing luggage and leaving for an extended period of time obviously sent her into overdrive on how to include herself in our plans.  Which of course, she was not a part. 

So Barnacle Rosie was extricated from the luggage, placed around my shoulders for the rest of the packing and then later had a ball without us - chasing squirrels and playing in leaves at the dog sitters house with another German breed.

Hubby was sure they reminisced about “The Old Country” the entire time we were gone and I would have to agree, wouldn't you?

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Post Delayed Until Friday

D*lls in a box in the mail... See you Friday from a visitor computer!!  I promise, I will be in a super mood :)

Monday, November 3, 2014

Failure to Launch - Yet Again

So exactly 42 days ago I bought a new computer.  Eight days into those 42 days, it died.

I spent two plus hours on the phone (i.e hold) with a guy who wanted to send me a new one - I insisted it had to be something small (how could it be dead after only 8 days?), so after the first hour and a half, I pulled out my husbands computer and "chatted" with another D*ll "employee"

After 45 minutes, he had it working, I hung up with the the other guy, stupidly refusing the new one.

This thing has been touchy from the start. (I believe I blogged about this in September).

At 36 days, it died again.  I chatted with another employee, who helped me get it working again.  s l o w, s l o w, s l o w........

Today - day 42, my D*ll is dead again - but not before it rebooted like seventeen times in a row - then the power went off - thus equaling dead. 

I would like that new computer that was promised to me now.  They say after 30 days it isn't possible to send me one.  You all know they are lying, anything is possible.  I talked to managers and supervisors - both hemming and hawing.

Now they are going to send me a box to put my piece of shit brand new D*ll computer in to send back to them.  They asked me to back it up first - hahahaha.  What part of dead and this thing is a lemon do you not understand?  I'll back it up all right - right under my car tire while going in reverse.

Then the fella asks me for my address, I abbreviated MI for Michigan - which he promptly asked me if that was the state of Miami.  Yes, I live in the imaginary state of Miami - that is correct.

So I will be without a computer again, while I wait for a box, mail it in, have them "fix" it, and return it to me.  Then when I get it back - I will wipe it clean and sell it at a huge discount (i.e. massive loss) to whoever wants to take the chance with it and buy.  At that point I will head to the store and by an HP or a Mac. 

Expensive lesson learned, never liked my work D*lls, what made me think anything had improved??

Thank you for listening, I'll go put the sledgehammer back in the garage now - this was venting enough. 
**Not my computer pictured above, "" provided the picture I borrowed.  I like the bullet hole effect, not sure I'd set it on my bed afterwards though** 

***Update 1/9/15 - Oh my look - according to Adidas there IS a State of Miami :)