Monday, October 13, 2014

This is a stick-up!

Haha, you can’t stick me up – you’re a mannequin!  Haha, Ha, ha…. Can you?

Just a guess, but this store doesn’t employ professional window dressers do they?   Can I have another guess? 

Great – by chance do they employ ex-cons?  You know, on a work relief program – help someone get a foot back in society and get a tax break from the government for employing former criminals.

And might this current employee have a history with hold-ups?   

Why else would someone pull a purple nylon over a mannequins head?  Because it seems more stylish than just a plain beige one?  After all, you are now working in the fashion industry … (note all those natty wool caps in the back ground).

Maybe I should have popped a cap on the mannies head – then he would have looked more like a performer from the blue man group and less like a cat burglar.  No?

Ah, what will they think of next to scare you out of the store, put a water pistol in their composite hand?

Monday, October 6, 2014

Dollar, Dollar - Who's Got A Dollar?

They say honesty is the best policy – I’d say that is probably true.

Can you read his sign?  It doesn’t say he’s hungry (although he could be), it doesn’t say he has to take care of a family (although he might need too), it doesn’t say he needs a coat (although he will very soon) – it says he needs a dollar for a beer. Yep - beer.

And you know, this request probably gets him more attention and many more dollars than just standing there with the standard cardboard sign asking for a little help.  

It also makes you laugh and probably while you are getting that chuckle, you flash the man a smile.   

How many smiles do you think he gets a day with any of the other standard fare signs?  My guess is very few, most people avoid eye contact at all – let alone give a quick smile.

So yeah – why lie?  The man would like a beer and perhaps a friendly smile – and really, is there anything wrong with that?

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Merry Christmas!! (in September)

Wait - what, it’s not Christmas? No?

It’s September.  I agree – it is September. 

Not October, November or December – you know December, when Christmas actually is….

Hmmm, we still have two more major holidays – decorating holidays to go, Halloween, which is the very LAST day of NEXT month (October) and Thanksgiving, which is the third week of the month AFTER that (November).

But not at this store, nope at this store it is apparently Christmas time – in giant twenty foot fashion.  

This does not make me happy on a warm 75 degree day (24 Celsius for my European friends).   

I don’t understand why we rush things so – the leaves are still on the trees, there is no hint of snow (of course this is Michigan – that could change in an instant).  The time hasn’t changed yet and it is barely Fall, by means of the Equinox.  

Yet here is a jolly nut cracker or tin soldier or sentry or something Christmasy-esque standing guard at the door of a big box hardware store.  One that I will be visiting again today, painting the living room and hall ways (made a pretty but poor color choice – therefore I will be painting them again tonight, funny how daylight changes things).

So Merry Christmas – three months early!! Care to come celebrate with me tonight and lift a paint roller in festive cheer?  

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Friday, September 12, 2014

You Are What You Eat

Yummy, yummy in my tummy.

But what the hell did I put in my tummy?  And what does that make me if I ate it?

The other day I was at the grocery store and I was hungry (well, pretty much in general I’m always hungry) and they say if you shop while you are hungry than you buy stuff that is not on your list (again, pretty common for me).

I grab these totally yummy looking baby danishes and inhale two as soon as I get in the car (did I mention I was hungry)?

Then, then I looked at the label that I just tore open to get in to the container and there are two hundred ingredients on there.  I’m serious – TWO HUNDRED – there are about seven items on a line and thirty one (and a half) lines of ingredients. 

It’s a danish for goodness sake.  Butter, flour, sugar salt, eggs, vanilla, baking soda, some fruit topping and powdered sugar and water for icing.  That’s ten – ten things – not 200!!!

So we ate – ate 190 extra ingredients – oh my.  

Funny thing is that I am usually pretty conscious about what we eat and what I feed my family.  I’m an anti-GMO freak, so I check everything (corn or soy - almost never) and how something with a six inch ingredient label on the FRONT of the box got by me is stupefying.

You see normally we buy our danishes and bread etc. at a local bakery.  We are spoiled for choice here in Detroit from multiple bakeries that have been around 80 plus years.  Fresh daily, no transport, no ingredients we can’t pronounce to sustain fake freshness.  Just baked new – every single day.  
So we’re not dead –we didn’t gain ten strange puffy pounds around the waist and they were quite tasty, but 200 ingredients for a baby danish?  Wow, what a bad choice and how come this is ok?  This should so not be ok….

Monday, September 8, 2014

Wrong Career Path?

I’m guessing when the professional Brick Layer/Mason chose his trade and then did his apprenticeship in the skilled area, he never thought that he could make all this money.

I mean look – you can make $1200 to $2.00 a week.  That’s right – Two whole dollars a week!!

What do you need to do to make that?  Show up and drop off the coffee – once?  
Even then, you’d certainly be there longer than two dollars worth.

So, bring those tools, let them make use of your truck to pick up the boys and transport them to the job site, then at the end of a hard week – outside in the elements, bent over, with cement dried to every bit of yourself – collect that big ol’ two dollar check.  

Hey, right now McDonalds has 99 cent beverages.  On Saturday night you could take your date there and each get a coke or a coffee or something – of course, I am thinking before taxes.   Once Uncle Sam takes his share – let’s just go with the most common range of 28%, you’d be down to $1.44.  Um, you better get an extra large Coke to share, because with sales tax that 99 cents will become $1.05 and you won’t have enough for two.  

Oh and might I suggest you ride your bike – all that gas you are using to drive the boys to work and back won’t be covered either – so your truck is probably out of gas.  No worries, I’m sure she knows how to balance on the handle bars.