Friday, September 12, 2014

You Are What You Eat

Yummy, yummy in my tummy.

But what the hell did I put in my tummy?  And what does that make me if I ate it?

The other day I was at the grocery store and I was hungry (well, pretty much in general I’m always hungry) and they say if you shop while you are hungry than you buy stuff that is not on your list (again, pretty common for me).

I grab these totally yummy looking baby danishes and inhale two as soon as I get in the car (did I mention I was hungry)?

Then, then I looked at the label that I just tore open to get in to the container and there are two hundred ingredients on there.  I’m serious – TWO HUNDRED – there are about seven items on a line and thirty one (and a half) lines of ingredients. 

It’s a danish for goodness sake.  Butter, flour, sugar salt, eggs, vanilla, baking soda, some fruit topping and powdered sugar and water for icing.  That’s ten – ten things – not 200!!!

So we ate – ate 190 extra ingredients – oh my.  

Funny thing is that I am usually pretty conscious about what we eat and what I feed my family.  I’m an anti-GMO freak, so I check everything (corn or soy - almost never) and how something with a six inch ingredient label on the FRONT of the box got by me is stupefying.

You see normally we buy our danishes and bread etc. at a local bakery.  We are spoiled for choice here in Detroit from multiple bakeries that have been around 80 plus years.  Fresh daily, no transport, no ingredients we can’t pronounce to sustain fake freshness.  Just baked new – every single day.  
So we’re not dead –we didn’t gain ten strange puffy pounds around the waist and they were quite tasty, but 200 ingredients for a baby danish?  Wow, what a bad choice and how come this is ok?  This should so not be ok….

Monday, September 8, 2014

Wrong Career Path?

I’m guessing when the professional Brick Layer/Mason chose his trade and then did his apprenticeship in the skilled area, he never thought that he could make all this money.

I mean look – you can make $1200 to $2.00 a week.  That’s right – Two whole dollars a week!!

What do you need to do to make that?  Show up and drop off the coffee – once?  
Even then, you’d certainly be there longer than two dollars worth.

So, bring those tools, let them make use of your truck to pick up the boys and transport them to the job site, then at the end of a hard week – outside in the elements, bent over, with cement dried to every bit of yourself – collect that big ol’ two dollar check.  

Hey, right now McDonalds has 99 cent beverages.  On Saturday night you could take your date there and each get a coke or a coffee or something – of course, I am thinking before taxes.   Once Uncle Sam takes his share – let’s just go with the most common range of 28%, you’d be down to $1.44.  Um, you better get an extra large Coke to share, because with sales tax that 99 cents will become $1.05 and you won’t have enough for two.  

Oh and might I suggest you ride your bike – all that gas you are using to drive the boys to work and back won’t be covered either – so your truck is probably out of gas.  No worries, I’m sure she knows how to balance on the handle bars.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Does It Come In Grape?

Brrrr – that’s cold!  Look – a frozen fountain – of sorts.   

Never mind that it is 90 degrees outside and muggier than muggy (ahem, I mean Humuggity – look it up – it’s on this blog… June 30, 2013) 

This isn’t the first frozen fountain looky thing I have spotted.  They seem to be very prevalent at hospitals.  

Now, should we be concerned?  I mean it’s hot as blazes outside, it’s been raining torrents all month (not a common occurrence for August – now September) and here is this giant frozen tower – outside, in the heat, rain and humuggity – standing tall and well – very frozen.

What are they – why are they at hospitals?  Should we be concerned about whatever is leaking that doesn’t melt even when the temperature reaches 32 Celsius?  And what is leaking?  I am assuming refrigerant of sorts – ah, are we all environmentally compliant yet in the world of refrigerants and what looks to be like pretty massive leakage into the world?  Or should I say frozen world – doesn’t really look like it’s going anywhere.

How many feet thick do you think it is?  Do you think the men from Deadliest Catch could break it with their sledge hammers?  It could be a summer job for them – travel to hospitals nationwide and make whatever is underneath possibly run more efficiently?  Or not.  

But if it’s supposed to be in a cold area why not enclose it?   Every time I pass one, it stops me in my tracks – something is not quite normal about a giant frozen white Popsicle, outside in the middle of summer.  Just sayin’.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Why Text is Winning Over Phone Calls

Two weeks ago my computer died, I mentioned this in an earlier post, it did some sort of watercolor drippy screen thing and my screen saver was not a Dali.   It’s been a real pain in the tuckus. (Not my atual computer shown above - apparently I am not the first...)

Now I don’t know any of my passwords, all my iTunes are on the old one, and that one is still Windows 7 -which I know exactly how to use.

Last Sunday I bought a new computer - Windows 8 and I are struggling to get along.  I have only wanted to throw it across the room maybe fifty times, but the key is here that I haven’t thrown it across the room.  Did you hear that brand new computer – I haven’t done anything mean to you at all.  

Turned you on, loaded Office, struggled continually, you signed me on with my back up email and now everything including my Skype is attached to that, but really – I’ve been trying to get along with you and your super s-l-o-w Windows 8 system.  I have.

So why are you dead?  You are only nine days old?  No life whatsoever.  Not a light, not a click, not a whir – nothing – only darkness and silence.  I only put you to sleep three hours ago.  Were you so depressed to get me for an owner once I figured out the facial recognition thing this morning - that you just gave up and died in your sleep?

Come now – you weren’t cheap, this isn’t cool.  My first mistake – you are NOT an HP.  I knew when I bought you; you should have been an HP.  You are an old brand, one that work computers are made of, but I never liked my work laptops – I really should have known better.

And now, an hour and twenty minutes into a service call with your mother company – they want to send me a new one.  The man hasn’t helped me at all, I’ve been on hold and hour and fifteen of that hour and twenty.  His only offer of help was to tell me to hold the power button down for ten seconds.  Like I haven’t pushed that power button thirty times before I called you.

He wants to send me a new computer, which might be what most people want.  Of course, it will be after I return this one, after he sends the documents, once they get mine in house they’ll send the new one – it will be like the first week of October if all moves as planned. 

Come on, it’s nine days old, it’s just a glitch somewhere – work with me here.  

So, behind your back I have signed on to my husband’s computer to “chat” with someone else.  Someone who hopefully has a clue.  And low and behold he does.  Glory be!   

Forty seven minutes later, but this time with constant contact and walk through instructions – we have disassembled and reassembled both the matte black and the shiny things in the back, and she now has light again.  

In the mean time I told “Mike” to send me a new computer – just to get him off the phone.   I was wielding a screw driver and trying not to lose a million little black screws and some weird looking tape. My patience with him was lost over an hour ago.  This other fella is going to cancel that new computer order for me, now that she is up and running again.  

What if I hadn’t had another computer to “cheat” on the phone guy with – you’d be wondering what happened to me for the month of September.  Man, one company – two entirely different levels of service, but the one that worked was only available if you computer was actually running.  Seems like an oxymoron huh?

Friday, August 22, 2014

Hey Boo Boo!

Ok, so you want your kids to eat their sandwiches for lunch.   
You’re in luck – never fear Billy Bear is here to help! 

What is this wonder sandwich meat product I speak of?  Well, it states it is turkey and pork sausage (yes sausage) cured and cooked.  MMMM, sounds yummy-ish. 

It also has no artificial color or flavors – the third and fourth ingredients are pea starch and pea puree – ok, peas are trendy right now, never heard of them in lunch meat before – but then again, who really understands what exactly is in their lunch meat anyway.

Ah, but here is the piece de resistance – check out the lunch meat itself….
Ummmm – I think it’s Billy Bear?

You will be feeding your kids Billy Bear!  That happy go lucky picnic basket carrying (no not Yogi) on the front of the package.

Ahhh, does anyone else find this disturbing?  Ok – good.

Oh, I should state you have to live in Ireland to find this tasty bear faced snack meat.   

I guess it’s just plain round, one shade of pink Bologna for us Americans.  I think that’s ok, you can cut it into any shape you want – but round, round seems good to me…