Sunday, March 19, 2017

Brown Paper Bag -vs- Scuba Gear

I’m sitting on the couch reading the paper, yes I still read the actual Sunday paper, and there’s a loud commotion outside.

I stand up and look out the window.  Two grown men are yelling at each other in the park across the street - one is dressed in full diving gear and the other is holding a bottle in the air wrapped in a brown paper bag.  Hmmmm.

Then I notice the brown paper bag guy is filming the exchange on his phone, whilst screaming at the scuba man.  The scuba mans English is not so good, but he is yelling back.

So I quickly kick into Detroit Auntie B mode and go outside - on the balcony (our living space is on the second floor here in Melbourne – better to see the world I guess).
“Hey – everything alright here??”  I yell down – they are now on my front lawn.

They both look up and tell me everything is “Fine”.  

Then scuba man says “Tell him to stop following me, he can’t follow me” and brown paper bag man says – “He’s got five clams, he’s only allowed two”.


Then the confessions continue -  

Scuba “He’s drinking, there’s no drinking allowed in the park”

Brown Paper “I’m not in the park anymore” (na na - na na na)

Scuba “And I am allowed five clams, (shows me the clams) they are for my personal use, I know the regulations”

They both suggest I call the cops.

Now as far as I’m concerned they are both in the wrong – there are signs that clearly state no alcohol AND no fishing for shellfish.  But what do I know? I’m not calling the cops on five clams and liter of beer.  

So I yell down, “I think it’s time you both separate, Y’all”  

Y’all???  Have I ever used this word in my life??  Y’all?  Suddenly I’m a southern girl, can I be any more American?  Does this stuff just come out of your recessive genes when you are in foreign lands?  

They walk a bit down the street then paper bag guy joins up with friends that obviously disowned him when he started yelling at scuba guy.  

I went in the house.  Then I laughed.  I really am full on Auntie B – even to strangers 10,000 miles from home, or else why would they be trying to explain to me why they are arguing, trying to prove one is more at fault than the other and showing me the evidence…. Maybe I can start feeling a little bit more at home here now?