Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Why Text is Winning Over Phone Calls

Two weeks ago my computer died, I mentioned this in an earlier post, it did some sort of watercolor drippy screen thing and my screen saver was not a Dali.   It’s been a real pain in the tuckus. (Not my atual computer shown above - apparently I am not the first...)

Now I don’t know any of my passwords, all my iTunes are on the old one, and that one is still Windows 7 -which I know exactly how to use.

Last Sunday I bought a new computer - Windows 8 and I are struggling to get along.  I have only wanted to throw it across the room maybe fifty times, but the key is here that I haven’t thrown it across the room.  Did you hear that brand new computer – I haven’t done anything mean to you at all.  

Turned you on, loaded Office, struggled continually, you signed me on with my back up email and now everything including my Skype is attached to that, but really – I’ve been trying to get along with you and your super s-l-o-w Windows 8 system.  I have.

So why are you dead?  You are only nine days old?  No life whatsoever.  Not a light, not a click, not a whir – nothing – only darkness and silence.  I only put you to sleep three hours ago.  Were you so depressed to get me for an owner once I figured out the facial recognition thing this morning - that you just gave up and died in your sleep?

Come now – you weren’t cheap, this isn’t cool.  My first mistake – you are NOT an HP.  I knew when I bought you; you should have been an HP.  You are an old brand, one that work computers are made of, but I never liked my work laptops – I really should have known better.

And now, an hour and twenty minutes into a service call with your mother company – they want to send me a new one.  The man hasn’t helped me at all, I’ve been on hold and hour and fifteen of that hour and twenty.  His only offer of help was to tell me to hold the power button down for ten seconds.  Like I haven’t pushed that power button thirty times before I called you.

He wants to send me a new computer, which might be what most people want.  Of course, it will be after I return this one, after he sends the documents, once they get mine in house they’ll send the new one – it will be like the first week of October if all moves as planned. 

Come on, it’s nine days old, it’s just a glitch somewhere – work with me here.  

So, behind your back I have signed on to my husband’s computer to “chat” with someone else.  Someone who hopefully has a clue.  And low and behold he does.  Glory be!   

Forty seven minutes later, but this time with constant contact and walk through instructions – we have disassembled and reassembled both the matte black and the shiny things in the back, and she now has light again.  

In the mean time I told “Mike” to send me a new computer – just to get him off the phone.   I was wielding a screw driver and trying not to lose a million little black screws and some weird looking tape. My patience with him was lost over an hour ago.  This other fella is going to cancel that new computer order for me, now that she is up and running again.  

What if I hadn’t had another computer to “cheat” on the phone guy with – you’d be wondering what happened to me for the month of September.  Man, one company – two entirely different levels of service, but the one that worked was only available if you computer was actually running.  Seems like an oxymoron huh?

Friday, August 22, 2014

Hey Boo Boo!

Ok, so you want your kids to eat their sandwiches for lunch.   
You’re in luck – never fear Billy Bear is here to help! 

What is this wonder sandwich meat product I speak of?  Well, it states it is turkey and pork sausage (yes sausage) cured and cooked.  MMMM, sounds yummy-ish. 

It also has no artificial color or flavors – the third and fourth ingredients are pea starch and pea puree – ok, peas are trendy right now, never heard of them in lunch meat before – but then again, who really understands what exactly is in their lunch meat anyway.

Ah, but here is the piece de resistance – check out the lunch meat itself….
Ummmm – I think it’s Billy Bear?

You will be feeding your kids Billy Bear!  That happy go lucky picnic basket carrying (no not Yogi) on the front of the package.

Ahhh, does anyone else find this disturbing?  Ok – good.

Oh, I should state you have to live in Ireland to find this tasty bear faced snack meat.   

I guess it’s just plain round, one shade of pink Bologna for us Americans.  I think that’s ok, you can cut it into any shape you want – but round, round seems good to me…

Monday, August 18, 2014

So what you're saying is I have a chance

A 50/50 chance!

Woohoo, everybody it’s time to get to the lottery retailer – ASAP – look at those odds.  Now how often does this come up in life?

What?  That’s not what this means? 

C’mon – it’s right there on the sign – look for yourself – on a BIG billboard right on the highway – look – 50/50, plain as day.

Well then, I can see why you’re not a multi-millionaire, you doubting Thomas you.

The rest of us dreamers are going to take this as a sign, like I said, a BIG sign, and hustle off with our dollar bills to get in on this rare opportunity.

Make it rain!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Reagle Eagle (Re-post)

   Hi All - finally a beautiful day here in swampy Detroit.  If you were worried about us and the 11 to 14 feet of water you have been hearing about drowning our area, we are fine.  Can't get anywhere and all (and I do mean ALL) the highways are closed (for two days now) but we survived it nicely.  Getting to be pros at this flooding stuff...
   Having a re-post today because well - my computer is doing some half screen flashing thing and I'm posting this off a computer that is not mine  - so composing something new just wasn't in the cards today.  Remember to go out and watch the Perseid Meteor shower tonight, It only comes around once a year! 
   Oh, the re-post is originally from Feb 25, 2013 - enjoy. 

Last summer I walked in to the garage and for some reason thought – “Eagle”.  Just “Eagle”.   

Not a thought that pops in my head everyday and not something we have in the area.

I hadn’t figured out why "Eagle" had seemingly randomly crossed my mind until I got to the back of the garage.  Perched upon an old bikes handlebars was this beautiful big baby bird, studying me.  Can you see him? He’s against the green canvas case.

OOOhhh, that explains the screaming bird outside for the last couple of hours, you see, I had just opened the garage door before I walked in – it had been shut previously and there had been a very loud screaming bird outside the kitchen window for quite some time.  

As everything clicked slowly together I realized this big beautiful fluffy baby bird belonged to that big screaming black crow outside.  Mamma bird had been fretting and flying and screaming for a very long time trying to figure out how to get her kid out of that closed garage – one that I’m sure she told her kid not to go into in the first place (and why I think it’s a boy…) 

SQQUAAKK – I told you not to go in there – now look, see why didn’t you listen?  The humans have closed the door, its dark inside and mamma can’t get you out – no one can get you out – except one of those darned humans – SCREEECCHHH, SCREEECCHHH, SCAAREEECCHHH!!!

And so there he was, my baby “Eagle”, of course he’s a crow, but it works in this part of town and my subconscious brain thought he was an Eagle…

 I quickly got what I went in for and left baby to fly out to greet his mamma with Cawws of happiness. Except that it didn’t happen.  I’m guessing he had been hearing her yell at him for hours and hours and wanted nothing to do with a beak to beak confrontation – nope – Lady, could you just close that door again, can’t you hear my mom?  Yeah, I’m safe in here – it’s ok, really, just close it again….

As we later learned, when we felt it was time to shoo him out, he couldn’t fly yet…. Despite his size, he really was just a baby – he must have had a lucky hop up because he had no talent in the winged propulsion arena. 

You shouldn't touch a baby bird, mamma could reject it – so now that baby Eagle was on the ground in behind the bike.  It made for a dilemma. 

Hubby helped me move the stuff in the corner and we worked on getting him out of the garage.  Mamma bird followed along with him while he hopped down the driveway and then towards the lawn.  It was not looking good, a return "flight" to the nest was not going to happen – wherever that nest may have been (Hmm, crows nests – aren’t they on top of Pirate Ships? Man, if I missed a pirate ship sailing down the cul-de-sac I’m going to be bummed…..)

Anyway, he made it to the corner of the yard, between the fences, mamma was back there with him, I checked on them from time to time, but really after night fell they were on their own against the neighborhood kitties.  I’d like to think my Eagle grew up to be big and strong and now hangs out with the other crows that watch over our house in the summer.  Maybe if we leave the garage door open sometime next summer he’ll pop in for a little break from what will surely be a nagging wifey bird by that time…. 

You’re not going in there again are you?  So help me, I’ll go get your mother!  Eagle, Eagle?  I’m warning you, there is a nest to be built, straw to be found, twigs to be gathered, mud to be packed, my bellies getting full with our first egg -  I can’t fly so well – you’re the one who wanted a family our first year – Eagle, EEAAGGLLEE?!?!

Friday, August 8, 2014

Surname, not Sir-name

I applied for a job today – just a question I am going to pose to you all….

Do you think if you spell your own name wrong they will hire you??

Yeah, that’s what I thought.   

Guess I’ll have to change my name then.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Urban Lions (RePost)

Hi all, today is going to be a re-post from around this time last year (7/7/13) - then for the rest of the week, there may or may not be one more post.  The posts will pick up next week - Tues or Weds.   Time for a bit of a busy summer break - before our summer is over.  Enjoy!!


Lions and Tigers and Bears – Oh my!!

Driving up and down 8 Mile Road in Detroit, I kept seeing something out of the corner of my eye in the back of a parking lot of a dilapidated building and thinking one day I have to stop and peek in.  

Of course there are many, many interesting things to find in the city and I just chalked this up in that category.

Then one day went I by and thought – are those Lions? Those look like Lions??  Has someone gotten creative with the scrap from the building and made cool heavy metal art?  I swear those look like lions…

You know, our pro football team is the Lions, maybe they have taken influence from them and have made a pair of lions?  Ah, if you don’t know are football team, we have some great fans. 

Unfortunately for the last 20 plus years, a not so great team… but at least we have a pro team!
So one day I’m driving down the road with my niece and tell her – we have to pull over and see what those are, I‘ve been driving by them for months and I swear they look like giant metal art lions.

So we throw on the hazards, pull up the curb and get out of the car – safe – I know, but it was time to do it.  

We stand there and look across the lot at them.  You can’t get in it’s all gated and chained, but now we are not sure they are lions.  I would like them to be lions – you know, coming to life at night for a little cat fight (ha-ha get it) and then turning back into steel in the morning , but really other than the pro team, we don’t usually find  lions in Detroit.

Alas, they are not lions…

They are, we agree, some bucket part of a heavy equipment digger.  But darn it all, don’t they look like lions?  ROOAAARRRRRR!!!!