Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Inspector #9 Should Be Fired

Woooo, look at them legs!!!  Don’t look at them socks, but look at them legs – see, now you know why I married him – with a set of gams like that, how could I not??

So hubby had a big thing the other day and it required he put on his spiffiest shirt, tie and suit.  When we bought the suit, we bought some blue socks to go with the get up, then the first time he wore the suit – we forgot about the new socks and he wore his regular black ones.  

So this time – this time, we remembered we bought blue socks special for the blue suit.  

I’m not going to say what kind of socks they are, but if you know anything about men’s dress socks, you know – THIS is THE brand to buy when you want a pair of good socks (ahem, it’s all about the toe color…)

I unwrapped the socks from the sticky packaging and handed them to the hubby, where he promptly put them on.

Ahhh, hmmmm, something’s wrong.  

Are they both pulled up?  Hmmm, they are?  Well it seems one is about three inches shorter than the other one.  

Yeah – that’s not going to work.

Here’s the thing – who saves receipts for socks?  When does a sock not work correctly the first time out of the gate?  This is all very confusing – considering we bought them at Macy’s and well, things bought at Macy’s are generally very good things (clearly not Macy’s fault here).

So, anyone out there have the match to this?  We can do a swap.  Check your packaging – I think it was inspector #9, next time we’ll aim for a lower number – like #1.  You can’t do better than #1 – can you?? 

Quality check, I need a quality check over here…..

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

From Hallway Trail...(Into the Light)

Did I mention a hallway trail? Ah yes, really it’s a form of a walker – you can’t keep a smart dog down – she will just find new ways to make it work. 

See the filthy trail along the wall about two feet up?  Yes, that dirty line on the white wall – we have several of them around the house they are in essence “Gunnie’s walkers”.  

Since she can’t actually use a walker – not having hands or walking upright and all, she has adapted the free space along the hallway walls (all of them) as her personal pacing areas.  

Walking is a bit of a feat lately, so in order to get any exercise, she props her hind quarters against the wall and walks back and forth.  Or into the kitchen, which just requires her to make a two foot spin before she hits the next wall for balance.   

Brilliant that old cattle dog is, with each new setback – she always found a way. 

Today we are going to dedicate this post to my baby girl, shortly she will be taking a trip into the light to be with our other cherished former pets.  I was going to post an old post of something funny she did in her younger days, but I decided to write a new one.  She has given us so much material – why should her last day stop that?

We made sure she had a great life these last eleven years – after the horrible first five she spent in a puppy mill chained to a toilet with her sister, beaten, broken, covered in open sores - with wood shoved under the skin in her foot.  
She’s been the easiest, sweetest, most trustworthy dog we have ever owned and she was an excellent hostess at all our parties and gatherings - escorting people to their cars when their evening was over.   

About five years back we had a little foster baby, when he was learning to walk, she was right there next to him – helping him stand, catching his wobbles and letting him take handfuls of hair or grabbing her ears for balance.  She never let him down – he could crash on her as hard as he needed and she would just support his fall.  All on her own - out of her sweet motherly instincts, we never worried.  She was also a great snot cleaner!

We had thought she was done last October, but she always found a way to adapt – so we adapted with her and gave her whatever she needed.  The dog sitter said she had nine lives – I think she had more.

So here’s to you my beautiful puppy dog – may you never lose your tennis ball in heaven, now that you will be able to run again!!  You will be missed every single day…

Monday, July 14, 2014


I cannot tell you the many ways I love this man and his Haute Couture fashion – but I am going to try!!

Where should I start?  Oh let’s just start with the shirt.  To say this man is brilliant would be an understatement.  So, you are at an event and a shirt is required, but you REALLY want to show off your tattoos – if you were a woman, you’d just wear a little halter top, but you are not.  What to do, what to do??

Lightbulb turns on and look, look what we get – a backless t-shirt for a man, cut to fit the specific tattoos, for the crowds viewing pleasure!   Do you think he has tried to market this, or do you think the trademark rights are still available?  

I mean – this could be totally customizable – tattoo on your chest?  No problem – just cut out the side it’s on (left pec or right) to show it off.  Tramp stamp on your lower back – just do reverse tails – have it long in the front and the short bit on the back side.  Tattoo around you belly button – just cut the rainbow style opening around your belly button and show your colors off to the world!  

Now – can we talk about the main tattoo – you know the big phallic symbol right up his spine? 

Well, I know what it is and those aren’t balls dangling at the small of his back – but let’s just play a guessing game – shall we?

Ok, so it’s not phallic (really – I insist, might be innuendo – but it really is something specific).  
Is it the Eiffel Tower?  Nope, it’s not the Eiffel Tower.  

Is it a snake being charmed out of a wicker basket?  Nope it’s not a snake being charmed out of a wicker basket.  

Hmmm, is it the Washington Monument?  Nope, not even close. 

Oh, c’mon – want to try one more?  Yes, I already told you it wasn’t phallic – geez. 

It’s a drag car – you have to turn the man on his left side to see it – but really and truly he had a dragster tattooed down the middle of his spine. 

Here let me help – you have to turn your head sideways to get the picture – but this is what he has on his back: 

Can you see the similarities?  No?  Well, that’s what he meant anyway.   

How do I know this?  Well, for my birthday weekend I dragged the husband to an NHRA race in Ohio – an absolute delight for me and proof of love from him (I’m a huge car girl/gear head – nothing like the full body experience of the vibrating roar of a 10,000 horse power car, doing three second runs down less than a quarter mile track at 400mph – love it! Hubby – not so much).

Oh, I should have taken the man’s picture at the end of the day too.  His back was so beet red it was apparent he didn’t think this Haute Couture fashion completely through.  He must not walk around shirtless much to catch a "base" tan– the sun screen – totally forgotten.  That’s gonna hurt in the morning.

But hey – I do love his courtesy for wearing a shirt, his enthusiasm for the sport and for his tattoo art, don’t  you?