Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Would You Call This A Double?

Yeah, I’ll just have a shot and a shot – that’s an energy drink – vodka back, please…..

So I must tell you, this little scenario has been outside my gym for at least three weeks.  I’m not sure if they are new bottles every day, the health industry is promoting these two brands, or the workers could really give a rat’s patootie and they are now part of the landscaping!

They are right at the door when you walk in – so taking pictures was a bit tough, I’m all nonchalant and stuff as dozens of people walk by….. you know me……slick.

Ahh – healthy living at its finest!  

Do you suppose they hit the energy shot on the way in the door and then pitch it against the wall as they open the door?  (You know ladies, like we do paper towels in public restrooms, so we don’t have to touch the door handles).  Then that way they have the extra zoom needed to get through a tough workout.  Zip, Zip, Hurray!!

Then on the way out, they crack the vodka bottle as they pass the desk to exit, slug it while between doors in the vestibule and then pitch it next to its buddy on the way out?  (You know boys like --- well I don’t know what that would be like – it’s like littering and I don’t want to accuse you guys of littering, so it’s exactly like littering and it’s not gender specific). 

Imaginary mind chatter goes like this…. 

“Whew, sure needed that to relax me, after that tough workout and the five hour energy boost – don’t need to be up until midnight – better take it down a notch.

Oh look, I have this handy airplane sized vodka right here in my pocket –  good thing I buy them by the case – you know, cause I work out soo much, gotta stay healthy and hit the gym, but I don’t want to lose any beauty sleep over that super powerful energy shot. 

Man – I’m just like Elvis!!! Get me a peanut butter and banana sandwich…. What?  It’s protein for my muscles, of course! “

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Rocks Schmocks

Oh that Mother Nature - silly girl I was trying to outsmart her with a couple "little" rocks...

See them - tossed in the distance like little pebbles, Phooey on you silly little girl, the mighty Miss Nature roars!  They are calling this one Frankenstorm - catchy considering the timing.

That said - the cover is still hanging on - rock number three, working triple time to cover for the other two slackers!

I am also amazed there are still some leaves holding onto the trees after these last two 40 - 60 mph windy days - guess the raking isn't over until the Oak Trees decide it's over - gosh darnit!

So my little pebble friends "How does it feel? How does it feel? To be on your own? With no direction home? Like a complete unknown? Like a rolling stone?"

No worries little buddies - I'll get you home - right back up on top of that grill, you have a job to do - now do it!!

(Update on yesterdays post -  A Three Rock Kinda Day...)

Monday, October 29, 2012

A Three Rock Kinda Day

Holy Moly it’s a windy one out there – Hurricane Sandy is making her presence known - there is no escaping it…

Ta Da!! Here is our grill cover; it’s the third one we’ve owned because well, they keep blowing away… Now please note the top of the grill, where the dark mark is to the left of the big rock – that is where the large SINGLE rock we usually keep on top of the grill cover had been sitting this morning.  We place a giant rock on the cover, ah yes you got it – to keep the cover from blowing away – AGAIN.  

This morning I was sitting in the living room, listening to the wind howl and watching the driving rain when I heard an odd noise – I turned towards the kitchen windows and out of the corner of my eye saw the cover – ah yes you got it– Blowing away – AGAIN.

I jumped up, ran outside in my socking feet, into the storm, onto the mushy lawn and chased the darned thing to our six foot fence.  Good thing we have a six foot fence or it would have been another goner… or it just would have been another goner if I wasn’t home.  Slop, Slop, Slop, that’s my socks sloshing back onto the patio.  Freezing out – wet – windy – yucky.

Run inside, remove my socks, put on shoes and run back outside – I can’t believe the wind blew the rock off – it is not a small rock!  Go over to the pond, steal a second rock, set it down on the cover with the other one, walk four feet – POOF!  Off she goes again.  Really?  How can it be that windy?  And just at that thought the storm door blows open and smashes against the brick wall, ah crap – and wait, is that one of my mums?   It’s like a tumble weed blowing down the drive way – how far did that thing fly?  There isn’t a dirt trail until it got to the middle of the drive and landed….hard.

Grab the cover, run back to the pond, grab a larger rock, freezing, wet, put the damn thing on, position rocks strategically.  Snap tumble weed picture with phone, grab the door – shut it, grab the plant – toss it in the garage, start to gather the other plants – freezing, wet, windy.  Just go inside – bolt the door shut…. 

Oh, need a picture of the grill this would make a good post – wait a while for my fingers to thaw out.  Rain eventually stops, wind still howling, go outside, snap picture of grill – look for mail – no mail -ha, like a mailman in our area would deliver on a yucky day – I should have known better – bolt inside, freezing, windy. 

Wow is it yucky out there – good luck East Coasters, we are just catching what is whirling up the Great Lakes and it is nasty – can’t imagine what you are seeing fly through the sky right now, perhaps the wicked witch of the West will make an appearance, or should I say the East and call her Sandy?  Seems appropriate – it is after all, almost Halloween…

Friday, October 26, 2012

ToMAYto, ToMAHto

Ah, the end of Summer – well really we are into Fall, but it sure took quite a while to get here…..

No arguing about an Indian Summer to come, I think we just had it with the two 75 degree days bestowed upon us this week – and oh what a fabulous temperature that is!   

Everyone in the neighborhood out scrambling to prepare for the inevitable freeze right around the corner - raking,  cutting down annual plants, raking, pulling out the garden, raking, cutting back the rose bushes, raking, removing ivy and grape vines, raking – well, you get the idea.  

Oh and the upcoming time change that will submerge us into darkness for the drive into work AND the drive home for the next five months – thanks whoever came up with that one, a hundred plus years ago – can we get rid of it now?  The farmers no longer rule the country side, people drive their kids to school and the trains all have all been automated.   

These  are the three reasons I always hear for why we have a time change twice a year  – I truly don’t think the kids walking to school ever had anything to do with it – especially 100 years ago, when a fifth grade education was a good accomplishment and really, the kids were all out working on the farm.  I’m more likely to side with the train monopoly – which no longer is a problem in this country, hasn’t been since the highway system came about – oh say 70 years ago… So no, I personally don’t understand the time change.  I digress….

Back to my tomatoes, Look at them all, still clinging to the bush – looking like a great bunch!  Except it is Oct 26th my great little bunch, time to tell you and your forty little friends to turn red already!!

Also you’re a bit late, I canned LAST weekend and I had to supplement my crop with Roma’s from the Eastern Market – I waited and waited and waited – all summer, your bush grew big – huge as a matter of fact (the other three – not so much, more like twigs) you gave me a tasty tomato here, two tasty tomatoes there, but never more than three a week.  

Now there are forty of you, and I’m sorry to say you are all facing death.  I realize this is your first go around on this planet, but you live in Michigan – we gave you two 75 degree days to get it together this week – five of you listened – the rest of you still are huddled together in clumps in various places on the bush, but you’re on death row now – yes, I said death row!!  I plead with you ripen immediately or you will not wake up one morning. 

In the night, Jack Frost will come and visit – he will touch you with his icy little finger and you will look pretty, prettier than you ever have,  all sparkly like diamonds - for a moment – then you will die and fall off the plant.  Heed my warning this instant!  Turn red by Monday – you have 48 hours, I will settle for orange, but do it now, before the first freeze!

And no, our family would not eat forty fried green tomatoes, thanks for the thought though.  If your family would, you will find the giant seven foot bush behind our garage – help yourself. 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

No Thanks, I'll Pass

Fresh watermelons for sale, come and get your fresh watermelon!! What – no?  You don’t see fresh watermelon?  Come now – they are only 2 for $6.  Come and get your fresh watermelon!!

Yikers!!  This was the first thing I saw when I walked into the grocery store… Bleh!

I don’t know how they could miss this? Really I don’t.  This is not just a little bad spot – this is a full on rotten watermelon, in the center of the display – that has most likely been rotten for many, many, many days.  I’m quite sure there is no such thing as a “Rotten Fruit Fairy” he did not pop in overnight and touch his wand to the first melon he could reach and start it’s dissension into the land of the un-fresh.  

So yeah - Bam!  Big watermelon display – Bam! Big rotten watermelon prominently positioned in the big watermelon display – Bam! That is every customer walking by a little grossed out and questioning the produce department of this giant grocery store chain that has taken over Michigan.  Bam! Another reason to shop local – at the farmers market, independent grocers, fruit stands – etc…

Now, that all said, I do believe there may be a “Rotten Vegetable Troll” because no matter if I put that lettuce and green pepper in the crisper or not – the damn things don’t last a week – and we cook with green peppers at least four times a week!  Lettuce – maybe not so much – but still – Oranges and apples last for eons – so there’s the  proof – no “Rotten Fruit Fairy”  - Instantly bad avocado’s = “Rotten Vegetable Troll”.  

My only question is – where do they live?  No cool old stone bridges around here…. And Norway is quite a distance away, quite a distance indeed.

Lazy employees for hire, get your lazy employee for hire – only 2 for $6!! Check out the mega monopoly grocery mart – he should just standing there be in the fresh produce section…..