Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Chicago, the 51st State??

 It's been over 60 years since we got a new state!

Read the television program description above... snapped this off the TV not too long ago (obviously during the Olympics). 

 I don't know when it happened, but the History Channel had a program on "How the States Got Their Shapes"  and specifically named Chicago and  Wisconsin, probably because they are near each other? Well sort of, but not actually bordering.  Of course they said there are "many others", I wonder what other cities have recently claimed their statehood?

You would think something like this would get a "Breaking News" flash and Obama would have come on to explain to us exactly when and why Chicago ceded Illinois to become its own state - or was I just on vacation that day and missed the news flash?  Anyone?

Excellent news, now I can put another pretty colored tack in our world map of states and countries traveled to, yet another state conquered!  

Most everyone from Michigan has been to, and enjoyed this state of Chicago - in  the many states (of mind) Chicago induces whenever one has the great pleasure of visiting it. 

Ooooh - I bet Rhode Island is geeked - no longer can they be picked on for being the smallest in the land of the free, the ball busters in Chicago can now take on that title and they will not be bullied in any way shape or form for their relatively small size. 

Hmmm - the "Windy State", not exactly as charming as the "Windy City".
"Second State" - also not gonna work - I believe Pennsylvania goes uncontested for that one.  "Chi-State" - sounds like a college...

Gonna have to change Sinatra's tune's too - "Chicago, Chicago, that toddling state"  Yeah, also no good.  Guys, I think you'd better reconsider this statehood thing, simply for the Sinatra tunes alone.  Best you just stay "My kind of town"...

Monday, August 27, 2012

I Didn't Know Spiders Had Laundry

Did you hear the screeching on Sunday around noon, yeah that was me, screaming like a girl!

Not because there was a whomping spider, that scared me - it was because I walked in to the the whomping spiders web and bounced said spider off my cheek.  Can't really tell in this picture - but she's got fur! 

I was going out to hang the freshly washed sheets.  Per my request, darling hubby put a clothes line up for me .  I figured since it's been 900,000 degrees all summer, why not hang out the washing and get the fresh scent of actual air on our laundry - not a chemicalized "fresh air scent"  from a dryer sheet.  Besides, they dry in no time flat  when it's almost a million degrees and they get ironed by the heat of the sun - it's a win - win all around.

But now, the real estate is being squatted on, by someone who actually lives out doors and really probably has some squatters rights.  Not sure, I'll have to check the legal books on that.  Can spiders live where they want outdoors, if the place they choose to live is attached to the house and they don't make house payments?  Yeah, I'm sure that's in the Regs somewhere...

She wasn't in the clothes pin when I went out to hang the laundry, she was full in her massive sticky web.   It's only when the shrieking began did she scurry up to the pin, but not before she did some tidying up of the mess I made with my face.  Really it was fascinating, she grabbed the loose ends, made a few web piles like cocoons and then receded to the safety of the clothes pin.  She probably was scolding me in spider talk the whole time - Damn that little Miss Moffitt - why didn't she stay on her tuffet?

Saturday, August 25, 2012

I Always Feel Like Someone Is Watching Me...

Have you ever went to the bathroom in the dark and just felt like you were not alone??

Yeah, well the reason you felt a presence is that this ugly fella was sharing the bathroom with you.  Well, not this particular guy, since he is now dead and will not ever be watching anyone again - but he has brothers, many many brothers. 

I've met a few of them over the years and have successfully truncated the lifespan of all of them. You think they would learn.  Ugggh!

It really is an odd thing, hundreds of times you go to the bathroom on regular basis and things are just fine. Then in an instant you just know when you are walking in that there is a mega legged, inch plus long thing in there with you - even though the lights are out and you can't see him.  You can just feel it.

BOOM - you flip the light switch turn around and get "Hey, How you doin?" from this guy.  I get the creeps just looking at the picture.  Kinda like the creeps you used to meet in the  bars, only this guy has more legs.  I'd say they both move just as fast.....

BLAGHHH - shudder, shoulder roll, YUCK.

Ok - I think I'm done with him and I'll be ready for the next bugger that dares to crawl up the drain for a visit.  "Knock, knock, knock - Who's there - Land Shark!"

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Sailing, Sailing, Over Mack Ave We Go

Ah, summer in Michigan, the wind in your face, asphalt at your sides!

Sailing through blue skies and green lights at a 35 mph clip - how many knots is that, 30 perhaps?  What a wonder the Grosse Pointes are, now I can see why they have such an elitist attitude, just look at the scenery, sailing behind diesel fifth wheels, with Hyundai's by your side - oh the joy summer can bring when you have a sail boat.

And to think while I was out running some errands, I just happened to sail right up behind, alongside and then eventually pass this lovely land yacht - ha, a term I thought was originally reserved for 1970's American cars, with couches for front seats.

 A little to dreamy maybe?  Not so - I tell you.  If you lived around here you would know how special it is just to be invited inside the private marinas with all the fancy boats.  There's tons of water around here - but you can't use it - it's all gated, guarded and member-shipped. 

No more I say - I have seen the future, it doesn't involve fancy clubs, five thousand dollar yearly dues, wooden docks, or 20 foot sails, no sir, just a big trailer and a street where the traffic lights swing high.  The emergency motor doesn't even need to run, as long as you have towing capacity and a trailer hitch on your vehicle - the world is your oyster!!

Off to the boating junk yards - I hear the recession has been terrible for weekend water warriors, this has to be good for the daily pavement pounders!

Woo hoo - I can be a sailor - Arghh Matey, Arghh!!  Do eye patches block UV rays? Where's my parrot? 

Monday, August 20, 2012


This time it was us who got the welcome home!  Oh fabulous sparkly pom pom, how you shine in the sunlight!

It's every little girls dream, to be a cheerleader with a set of pom poms to shake at the game and cheer the boys on to victory.  Then you get to high school and realize it's not the cheerleaders that get to play with the shaky strips of glitter, but the dance squad, with their little kicks, hips, flags and oh - those fabulous shiny pom poms.  But who wants to be on the dance squad?  Sorry any dancing girls who are reading this, I'm sure you were spectacular,  I on the other hand, would not have been.

But now, now, have my very own shiny pom pom - Rah-Rah-Sis-Boom-Bah!!

My beautiful little neighbor girl attached it our door to welcome us home from the great north last weekend.  The best part is my husband found it - so he got to walk around the yard with the little strips of glitter shining in the sun, until he got into the house to give it to me - the most likely intended recipient.

Although - I'm sure my husband would look great in a little dance outfit - those long legs of his - shaking his pom,pom - oh yeah!  Rah-Rah-Sis-Boom-Bah!!!  Up Ireland!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Code You Say?

This brightly colored house belongs to lovely man, he is my husband's former neighbor.  He really is a good man and you will get a kick out of this story, it happened a few years ago, but we drove by yesterday and were happy to see everything is the same multi-colored f-you.

This house used to be white, but someone in the neighborhood complained that the paint was chipping off and he was served by the city with a citation telling him he had XX amount of days to paint his house to bring it up to code.

Smart man that he was, then read the code to see exactly what it was that he was in violation of and what exactly he was allowed to do about it.  What he did about it shows above, which meant going to a home improvement store and getting a can of paint in every bright color he could think of, including fuchsia - which is on the side of the house that is not in this picture.  Then he painted a piece of his house in each of the colors.  The colors are great: Bright yellow, green, red, purple, fuchsia, royal blue, orange.

My husband's old house faced the purple and green side, which only showed out the dining room window and never ever bothered him.  The woman he thinks turned him into the city got the bright pink and orange side.  He said he considered what colors would make her most unhappy and selected those for her daily viewing enjoyment.  Her driveway is on that side of the house, so there is never a time that she leaves or returns to home that she isn't looking at the joy he sent her way.

By the way, did you notice this man's yard is immaculate - yeah, not exactly a problem citizen.

Of course the city when they came out to inspect that he indeed painted the house in the required time and was no longer in violation of the "city code" must have been extremely happy with his color selections.  Which they surely must have felt was much improved over the white chipped paint that formerly adorned his home.

I would be willing to bet that the city code was changed, pretty much immediately, to keep anyone from being that creative with their paint scheme ever again.  And that is why this is a great house, for once someone got a legitimate f-you out to a city that really should have been worrying about things more important than a couple of missing white paint flakes.  Beautiful.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Sign Language?

This morning I wake up and am greeted on the bathroom counter by the above.  I’m not fluent in sign language, but I think what this means is “Wife, I’m out of deodorant”! 

Now this is just a guess, the container could have simply been left on the counter, by a husband in a rush  - but generally deodorant is not the type of thing that makes long term appearances;  It gets picked up, opened, used, closed and set back down in the space where it normally lives, never once touching the outside ground.  It just goes straight home to the medicine cabinet each morning, like clockwork. 

Simply by the way it was cozied up to my hair brush – topless, leads me to believe that I am successfully conquering this new language.

The problem with men's deodorant is that they all look alike.  I've tried this before.  After about the tenth time of me returning something in a red container that was not the proper species, formula or scent there was a deal made – darling husband, please buy your own!

Looks like all bets are off, me and Topless Spice and are off to the store for a round of match this red item – hey wait, didn't she perform in the closing ceremony of the Olympics last night? Can Becks come to the store with me; I think I’ll be needing some assistance…

Friday, August 10, 2012

Neighbor, we grew you this tree to welcome you home

Dear Neighbor,

How little did I know what a green thumb was possessed when you asked us to take care of your colossal flower collection only six short weeks ago.   And how much fun it would be to watch your sweet doggie, albeit on a request of extremely short notice, for two of those many summer weeks while you were vacationing in the great lands up north and across the border.

How I learned what beauty 50 pots o'hanging and on the ground could encase around your front and back yards.  Just how many bees, hornets and spider webs I would play with on a daily basis, walking through and dancing around and away from each day in your yard.

How many helpful neighbors would visit to tell me "don't water at noon" and in what great numbers those infinite pots of plants could produce of dead heads - sticking to my fingers daily and then the ground when shook there violently off my hands (for compost reasons of course).

And how your gardens looked far nicer when you left then they will when you will arrive back home - tomorrow, after the record number of 90+ degree summer days with no rain in site (until it gloriously finally fell last night).

And yes, I'm sure what you least expected upon your return tomorrow is this little welcome home present that has sprung up out of the mat at your front door from my excellent watering skills.  Quite positive the chicken prefers to be grass fed, glad I could provide that little service for you, may she long be happy and healthy and produce many fresh eggs.  Oh and you're very welcome for your new tree, I think it's an Elm! 

Thursday, August 9, 2012

What Is This Horrible Greenish Blue Picture??

You may be asking yourself, what exactly is this horrible greenish blue picture?  Is that a sidewalk in the corner, what is it exactly?  Well my friends, it's my attempt at a book cover.  Nice huh?  Yeah, I'm pretty proud.

Why do I need a book cover, well I've been writing a little e-book since Feb, it's pretty much been done since March, but I can't post it until I have a fabulous book cover.  I've ceased thinking like a normal person and have frozen up on what to do about a cover.

I've went to many sites where you post your need and people all over the world are supposed to bid on your project.  PING!!  That's a pin dropping.  Apparently I am living in the black hole of project requests because not one single soul has gotten back to me on creating a cover.  Which is fine, I'm sure the entire world is busy, but please I beg you teenage kid with Photoshop talent, or actual graphic designer, LOG IN, FIND MY REQUEST AND HELP ME  (see above delight one more time).

Here's the terrible thing, this is what I came up with after many hours on the computer, a tutorial or two and research on the web for "how to" advice, most which started out "I'm assuming you know the basics of Photoshop".  Um, sadly no, it took my twenty minutes to find "gradient"  a design feature all the sites said you absolutely should use when creating a cover.  Ah, again look at my beautiful gradient - I created that lovely green to blue effect all by myself.  Patting back wildly now.

So my friends, if per chance this cover ever does appear on the NY Times Best seller list, you can say - "You knew me when....." and pick  yourself up a copy, the delightful blue to green gradient alone, must be worth something in the art world - no?

Monday, August 6, 2012

Golf Ball's in the Garbage Disposal

Did you ever in your life think you would discover a golf ball in your garbage disposal??  Me either, but that's just what happened this weekend. 

Above is the actual culprit in the flesh.

There I was, washing dishes in the sink, the ones you can't put in the dishwasher (you know, aluminum pans, wooden handled knives, fancy Belgian beer glasses) and when I was done with the dishes it was time to flip the switch to the disposal.


At this point my beloved husband came to the rescue and said "Oh, it must be a golf ball".  Well, alright then, not my first thought of what could possibly be making all that racket in the  disposal, but he must know something I do not.  So, my knight came over, reached his hand into the abyss that is the disposal and produced one mucky golf ball.

My instinct of course was to pitch the thing, it had been sitting in what all the experts call the dirtiest spot in the house, the sink drain, but he proclaimed rather happily "It's a Noodle!"  Personally, I've looked at few golf balls in my life, but I can't say I've ever seen a "Noodle".

Just goes to show you, that if you want to make sense of why there was a golf ball in the sink drain, it would be much easier to explain that it was a "Noodle" caught up the drain.  Then of course logically, noodles almost always hang out in kitchens and often fall into the sink when  you are straining them.

So there you have it - that is why a golf ball was in our disposal, it was simply trying to get home to the kitchen.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Life's Too Short To Use Dull Razors

I've wanted to start a Blog for years, and for some reason I found the thought to be overwhelming!  Well, thought conquered and Blog started - welcome to day one and an explanation to my title and Blog name. And I want to add, life is hard, may as well laugh through it.  This is where I hope to come in, any time I can make someone laugh out loud, or in their mind, is a good thing!

Here is the inspiration to why I wanted to start a Blog so many years ago - an interview on Oprah.  No, not some enlightening interview, with warm fuzzy feelings of happiness, but one that just shot  home a sense of reality and a really big thought (which I'll share later).  The show was about frugality, good show premise, but again, not what struck a chord in me.  And wow, what some people do to save a few nickels.  I'm frugal and we recycle, but really, really frugal stuff.  Maybe you will recognize the tricks of penny pinching in some of your loved ones when I go on at the end to mention the other two things that I remember from this show many years ago - but for now - the reason for my title.

There were two adult daughters who had written in to Oprah and had told of their mother’s use of disposable razors.  They had said as long as they can remember, long before they had went off to college, moved out of the house and had families of their own, their mother had always used the same two pink razors.  Not the kind of razor that you can change the head and put on new blades as they wore down, but the ones that are a solid plastic mold casting in bubble gum pink (you know the ones).  In your head, flash to a picture of the razors in the woman's bathtub.... that's what the show did, it's a good visual. 

It wasn't that mom just loved the brand and only bought this type of razor; it was that these two razors were the SAME TWO RAZORS the girls remembered from their youth.  Mom never ever switched them out or bought new ones.  Dear old mom said they still shaved her legs just fine, even though they were more than a decade old.  OK, first thought - ewww, second thought – really? And third thought - OMG, how old are my razors??? 

At that time in my life, money was super tight, I was single, living blocks out of Detroit, working two jobs and razors were not on the top of my priority list.  But after seeing that show I thought, why am I using old dull razors?  Surely I could swing the extra couple bucks for a multi-pack and make sure to change them out every two months.  At what point in my life am I allowed to only use sharp, new razors?  Is there an age this decision is made?  This lady never made it.   

So I made a decision right then and there - Life's too short to use dull razors!

Young and in my 20's, shaving my legs was a super important thing.  My first job was an office job, my second job was bartending - both places I wore skirts (the latter called for shorter ones, to pull in the dough).  And I was in my twenties, hello, the only time your legs are ever going to look fabulous without any effort!!

Well, I believe Oprah went on the visit the woman, brought her some new razors, they made her shave then and there and then asked what it felt like.  She confessed it felt great and promised to change out her razors more often, although I don't believe it was a very convincing promise.  If Oprah were still doing her talk show today she could do a revisit to check if the razors she gave her are still on the edge of the tub, ten years later.  My bet - yes.

As for the other two people they featured:  One saved all the water that came out of the sink in the bathroom and kitchen.  They disconnected the drain U plumbing, set up buckets and caught all the dirty water that came out the pipe. That also gets an ewwww.  I can't remember what they used it for, it seemed a bit extreme, especially if they didn't have a gray water tank setup to decontaminate/purify the water - or whatever it is they brilliantly do with those tanks in the west (i.e. New Mexico Earthships come to mind).

The other, the person saved all the soap chips from old bars of soap and put them in those mesh bags that oranges and onions come in.  They cut the bags down, fastened them, then continued to use the soap chips in the bags – forever,  basically hardly ever allowing anyone in that house to ever use a new bar of soap.  I don't know, this is the one I thought probably just saves mere nickels a year.  God Bless them all, green before it was trendy!