Friday, August 23, 2013

Rosie's Nosey

This is Rosies nose.  I have decided it is what gets her into the most trouble around here.

Here’s what her nose does: 

1.  It hunts out rats.  Here’s the thing, I don’t want the rats hunted out, I want them to stay in their tunnels and be hidden in the dark so I don’t see them.  When she ferrets them out and they go scattering across the yard while I am standing there in the night, it makes me scream like a little girl.  Leave the rats alone, as I’ve mentioned before, they don’t come in my house and I don’t go in theirs, it’s been a good plan for the last 18 years here – why write up a new one?

2.  It hunts squirrels.  Again, as mentioned before on day two with us she caught one in the middle of the yard, tussled with it for a bit and then let it go.  I can’t say the same for the one she caught two weeks ago – while on her leash no less.  That primal screaming you heard a few Saturdays ago was me and no she did not listen the repetitive “LET IT GO, LET IT GO, LET IT GO” which was all I could get out of my mouth.  My husband, who was in the shower on the other side of the wall didn’t hear me either, alas, he did get the task of disposing it.  I had to go inside and lie down afterwards, I was a wreck, Rosie on the other hand – quite proud of herself.

3.  It won’t let me put my shoes on.  Oh look, she’s bending over and her hands are down at my level that must means she is here for me.  I can’t grab my shoes – her nose is in my hand.  I can’t get my shoes on my feet, her nose is in my hand.  I can’t find a lace, her nose is in my hand.  I can’t tie the lace, her nose is in my hand.

4.  It steals doggie #1’s food.  Doggie one is 15 years old, she has earned the right to eat her food slowly and enjoy it – until now, when she must scarf it down to beat doggie #2’s vacuum face.  We bought vacuum face one of those puzzle bowls to make her eat slower, but vacuum face has a needle nose, really – nothing is going to trip up that little snout.  An adult must be in the room at all times mediating the eating process.  Really sometimes you just want to get a drink of water since your right there by the sink, but the second you step out of the “line man” zone, Rosie’s Nosey is getting her into trouble.

5.  It finds itself in your ear.  I don’t know, you’re sleeping, life is good – than suddenly pogo body is next to the bed jumping up in a full upright position and playing the game, how many times can I get my wet cold nose in her ear before she stops me.  Generally the answer is two to three times.  I’m not a fan of the game.

6.  It spills things.  Oh is that my water dish?  Flip.  Oh, is that a glass on the side table? Flip. Oh did some silly human put a glass on the couch??? Flip.  Enough said.

7.  IT SNORES!  Holy crap does it snore.  Last night my husband asked her to leave the bedroom, it woke HIM up. 

8.  It’s always covered in Spider Webs.  This one baffles me, since we take her out on a leash.  She’ll come inside and her nose is covered in spider webs.  I suppose it’s from looking for all the places the rats are hiding.  Let’s hope she never catches one of those rats either, or they’ll be hearing my screams in Russia!  

And that my friends is The Tale of Rosie's Nosey.