I’m not going to take a picture of my fat face, a real pepperoni slice is going to have to do…
Last night around midnight my right eye starts to itch. I’d been sitting up reading and suddenly my eye itches - alot. I get up, wash my face, there’s a little bump by my eye – I think, hmmm, something bit me. Odd, its winter, no mosquitoes – must have been a spider?
Then a few hours later my cheek starts to itch, I get up and take a Benadryl. A couple weeks ago I had a bumpy chest and thought I had hives or something, so I bought some Benadryl. We don’t normally keep Benadryl in the house because it kicks my tail when I take one, but I was happy it was here and thought it would help my itchy cheek and eye.
Finally go to sleep.
My husband’s alarm goes off at 6:00, my face is roasting, I go in the bathroom, my right eye is almost swollen shut, my left eye has some weird fluid filled quarter sized bump by it and my face is giant, round, mottled red and looks like a pepperoni.
I come back and share the news with my husband who tells me I don’t look so bad. Ten minutes later I have two ice packs on my face, he’s brewed me up a concoction of crushed ice and water in ziplocks, it’s so hot and itchy I just want to rip my face off.
We go through the list, what did you do yesterday, what did you wear, any new soap, what did you eat, what did you put on your face, did you stick your fingers in your eyes….. All I can come up with is I opened a brand new tube of mascara yesterday. But I put that on at 9:00 in the morning; I didn’t start to itch until 15 hours later at midnight.
As I lay hidden under two big ice packs he says, you have to go to the doctor. I know, but I just took another Benadryl (the first one having worked so well at midnight….) There is no way I can drive anywhere.
He gets ready for work, I’m in a Benadryl stupor, he calls into work – Yeah, my wife’s face looks like a Pepperoni and her eye looks like a prize fighter hit her - gotta take her to the docs, I’m going be late today. Aww, Thanks baby – love you too!
Have you ever had a steroid shot? Me either. Well, they give them to you in your bum and surprisingly they hurt, a lot. Did not expect that. Now I don’t know if I should go home and go to bed or hit the gym to get the benefits of the steroid shot and finally make my arms look like Kelly Ripas.
Then the doc says - if I were you I wouldn’t go into work today, you’ll scare everyone. Gee, thanks doc, guess the gyms out too. And since it’s your face, I want you to call me back if it gets any worse today. Here’s the thing doc, if it gets any worse, both my eyes will be swelled shut and I won’t be able to see that it’s worse, but sure – I’m on it.
Round one – pepperoni slice