Friday, May 30, 2014

Did You Say A Pelican?

Today’s post is brought to you by the “I can’t make this shit up” file.

So while we were dealing with flood number two, in as many weeks, the second sign of the apocalypse upon our house appeared in our yard.

A Pelican. 

Aw you say, how cute a Pelican.

And no I say – not cute, bad, bad Pelican.

I also say – WE LIVE IN MICHIGAN, Detroit even.  Yeah, ever heard of a Pelican in Detroit?  No?  Well that’s because there are NO Pelicans in Detroit – except the evil one that was in our back yard, during the flood.

Do you know why there are NO Pelicans in Detroit – because we don’t live on the OCEAN.  We also don’t live in a warm climate.  

But really – unless the flood brought a wave of salt water to the Detroit River – and we can now call it the Detroit Ocean – he needs to get the bleep out of here!  Yesterday! 

All would be well if the Pelican had left yesterday – you know, flying in the air, looking around and saying – Hey – it’s chilly up here and where the hell is the ocean?  Where am I?  Why is there no spray of salt in the air?  What has happened to all my buddies - why am I alone?  And what is this mitten shaped land mass I am hovering over? 

Oh – look – dinner!!!!  Swoop, dive, snatch – hey why are people yelling at me, just hitting this cute little backyard diner.  

Damn this is handy!  Look at those big gold fishies swimming around, wow – the ocean isn’t this easy.  Maybe I should make another round or two – that fresh water tidbit was mighty tasty, and I’m so hungry from flying thousands and thousands of miles out of my way. 

Yeah, MY gold fishies.  Our beautiful Koi, who have been part of our family for many, many years and their own families since they arrived – because well, Koi breed.  

And my little buddy that I separated and nursed back to health when he had some sort of canker on his face five years ago – the same fella a possum (or something) grabbed and then dropped last year, taking a big chunk out of him, but it didn’t kill him – it just healed in white.  So he had a cool big white spot.  Yeah – him, and his brothers and his babies and his mate, etc, etc. 

Evil Pelican – go home, I don’t like you and you are not welcome here.  Why couldn’t you have swiped a few rats instead?  Then maybe you would have been welcome to stay.  But you are not – so get a flappin!

(Not out car, a neighbors)