Wanna Play Chicken?

It’s perfectly natural to run around your front yard with a chicken head on – right?

Well, to be more specific, play catch with a chicken head on, but as you can see from the orange ball to the right of the boy chicken, not play very well.  Maybe he can’t see the ball because of his obstructive chicken head?  

I suppose chickens aren’t well known for playing catch.  Walking around and scratching at the ground? Yes.  Roosters crowing early in the morning and clucking about the rest of the day? Yes.  Hens laying a whole bunch of eggs in their coops?  Yes.  Playing ball – not so much.

Anyway, I suppose if you have a chicken head, why not use it?  Not everyone has one you know.  Matter of fact – this may be the only chicken head I have ever seen actively playing outside on a fine sunny day.  

By the way, the ball is bright orange – if you can’t see that might I suggest cutting out a couple eye holes?  Could improve your game – not sure you’ll get a scholarship for you ball prowess though.  

Oh - that is unless you are in training to be a mascot, then you are off to a good start.  You may be the first child to ever practice being a mascot in the history of childhood play.  We’ll look for you in a college stadium in about eight years.  Good luck!

Wakey, Wakey

Have you ever went on vacation and thought, hurray – we don’t have to get up in the morning, 

I can sleep in because a) We don’t have the kids, b) we don’t have the dogs/cats, c) we don’t have the neighbors, d) we don’t have to work?

Yeah, it’s such a brilliant idea, isn’t it?  Too bad it never works out that way…

My sweet doggie, you know the 16 year old?  Well she wakes me up every night/morning at 4:00am to go outside.   

She used to wake up the hubby, but somewhere in the last couple of years she figured out I was closer, and it was easier just to saunter over to my edge of the bed and ask to go out, than to walk all the way around to his side. (Some nights there is a second call at 5:00am for the second round of duty.)

Ok, fine, can’t really fault her for doing the right thing now can you?  

So this doggie, although still very much alive, seems to have a spirit or something that follows us around so we don’t forget her (like that is possible).

Last year we thought it was a fluke – but this year, it is becoming more of a trend.

On our anniversary last year we didn’t have a lot of time to go anywhere, so we just stayed at a really nice hotel downtown and ate at their really fancy restaurant.  That way we could have a nice relaxing night out, eating, drinking, listening to live entertainment and then just walk to our room at the end of the night.  Great hotel, beautiful room, what could go wrong?

Well, at precisely 4:00 am, the front desk called with our “requested” wake up call.   

Really? Is it simply impossible for me to get more than three hours of sleep in a row at night?  I could use a full REM cycle soon, or I am going to turn into a zombie.   

So, fast forward to this year.  We are at a nice resort in Wisconsin for a couple days.  Beautiful old hotel, comfortable room, surely we will be able to relax and catch a well needed full night of sleep.

First night, at precisely 4:00am, the alarm clock on the nightstand next to my head goes off…..

No Post on 6/4, will post on 6/5

Sorry guys, can't get to it today - see you tomorrow.

Did You Say A Pelican?

Today’s post is brought to you by the “I can’t make this shit up” file.

So while we were dealing with flood number two, in as many weeks, the second sign of the apocalypse upon our house appeared in our yard.

A Pelican. 

Aw you say, how cute a Pelican.

And no I say – not cute, bad, bad Pelican.

I also say – WE LIVE IN MICHIGAN, Detroit even.  Yeah, ever heard of a Pelican in Detroit?  No?  Well that’s because there are NO Pelicans in Detroit – except the evil one that was in our back yard, during the flood.

Do you know why there are NO Pelicans in Detroit – because we don’t live on the OCEAN.  We also don’t live in a warm climate.  

But really – unless the flood brought a wave of salt water to the Detroit River – and we can now call it the Detroit Ocean – he needs to get the bleep out of here!  Yesterday! 

All would be well if the Pelican had left yesterday – you know, flying in the air, looking around and saying – Hey – it’s chilly up here and where the hell is the ocean?  Where am I?  Why is there no spray of salt in the air?  What has happened to all my buddies - why am I alone?  And what is this mitten shaped land mass I am hovering over? 

Oh – look – dinner!!!!  Swoop, dive, snatch – hey why are people yelling at me, just hitting this cute little backyard diner.  

Damn this is handy!  Look at those big gold fishies swimming around, wow – the ocean isn’t this easy.  Maybe I should make another round or two – that fresh water tidbit was mighty tasty, and I’m so hungry from flying thousands and thousands of miles out of my way. 

Yeah, MY gold fishies.  Our beautiful Koi, who have been part of our family for many, many years and their own families since they arrived – because well, Koi breed.  

And my little buddy that I separated and nursed back to health when he had some sort of canker on his face five years ago – the same fella a possum (or something) grabbed and then dropped last year, taking a big chunk out of him, but it didn’t kill him – it just healed in white.  So he had a cool big white spot.  Yeah – him, and his brothers and his babies and his mate, etc, etc. 

Evil Pelican – go home, I don’t like you and you are not welcome here.  Why couldn’t you have swiped a few rats instead?  Then maybe you would have been welcome to stay.  But you are not – so get a flappin!

(Not out car, a neighbors)

I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK... (Re-Post)

Hi all, crazy busy Weds ahead of us here at the house - so I'm shooting up a re-post.  It was hard to pick one this morning, apparently I am easy to amuse today - which is good, I might need the humor in my back pocket.  Originally posted July 30, 2013. Enjoy and see you Friday!
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We’ve had some wicked storms come through here the last couple weeks.  There are branches and tree limbs lined up on boulevards everywhere waiting for someone to cut them up and take them away.

And here we have pictured just the guy for the job – the entrepreneurial man has a tree service.  Hey I’m all for that!  

Driving along Woodward this catches my eye, because something is just not right about it. 

I’m not talking that those are house numbers stuck to the side of his truck, it does the job – you know he has a tree service and the number is listed for your help in calling him (blocked out of course).  But it’s something else.

Is he Stan K Rains, if I were to have to look him up because I’m driving and can’t write the number down?  

Or is he Stank Rains?  Ok, well that’s a little odd, but maybe he’s making a comment on the storms that take the tree limbs down and he likes to call them Stank Rains – ok, I suppose…

But no, that’s not it.  

Anybody see it?

Look CLOSELY!

Yes, there is a B in between Stank and Rains.  

See it?  It doesn’t have a white background – it’s just stuck to the green van.

So your businesses name is STANKBRAINS?  STANKBRAINS Tree Service? 

Ummm…..buddy, I don’t know you and I’m sure you’re a very talented tree cutter downer guy – but when you were picking out names for your business – how exactly did you land on STANKBRAINS?  

I’m just curious as to what kind of night you were having?  Did someone help you come up with that?  And then did you run off to the local 24 hour Meijer’s store before the idea left your “brain” and buy some stickers to plaster on the side of your van?  And just like that – poof, you were in business!?

Because I have to tell you – STANKBRAINS, although catchy, is just not a very good business name – for ANY kind of business…even if you were selling stanky brains, which clearly you are not.  

Ohhhhh, you do own a chain saw, hmmm, in that case – the name is lovely – just lovely, Jason.

Let 'Er Ripppppppppp!!!

Going to a Fart Fest any day now – going to a Fart Fest!!

Woohoo, everybody – it’s an official Fart Fest Celebration – who knew there was such a thing? 

 

I mean, clearly if there is man in your house – there is a very good possibility you have a fart fest on a daily basis – but a celebration of said farts?  Not so much.

Where in the world do you ever get to celebrate the face making, nose squinching, eye watering, duck quacking, air squelching, silent but deadly, bloat relieving fart?  Ever??

 

Oh, I’m so excited!!  I bet they will be serving baked beans, broccoli, fried eggs, onion rings, french onion soup, brussel sprouts, oatmeal and milk.   

And since it’s a fart fest – no one will care.  (Ok, the crazy methane people that complain about the cows might - but I'm pretty sure here in Detroit, the car capitol of the world - you won't find any of them - we sent them all to pasture years ago - haha).

Oh yes look, it says right there on the sign there will be food and crap – along with a snuffle – or is that a sniffle?  Oh, it could be Snapple – hey, they could have new flavor…

To quote an old Irish proverb (I hear quite often in this family) “Wherever you be, let your wind go free” and my friends, you can be sure it will – on 6/7/14 at 10:00am when this whole little party begins!

Ah, I love this side of town, I really do.