Beep!

I’m going to borrow my rowing instructor’s mother again for a post.  Why?  Well, because she has a great mother to borrow for good stories!  

If you recall – she gave us “All These Little Black Bugs” in December 2012, if you don’t recall – go back and give it a read!

So folks – here we go….

Mother calling daughter at work – Can you come over tonight on your way home from work?

Daughter – Sure mom, why?

Mom- Well, there is something beeping in the house.

Daughter- Beeping?

Mom- Yes, I think maybe my phone is going dead or something, but it’s not on the base and I can’t find it.

Daughter- Ok, it’s tax season, so I may be a bit late, we’ve been busy.

Mom- That’s ok, it’s doesn’t beep all the time, just every couple minutes.

It is now later in the day and my instructor is at her moms house after work.  

Mom- Just listen, it will go off soon.  I think it might be in the kitchen.

BEEP!  It only takes that one beep for the daughter to know exactly what it is…

Daughter- Um, mom?   

Did you heat something up in the microwave for lunch earlier today and forget about it??

Mystery solved!!!

Ha- I bet you thought it was the smoke detector, didn’t you?   Nope – far cuter than that –don't you just love her mom?  Me too, and I don’t even know her!

Plastic in Bloom

 

Ah spring – when the plastic bags are sprouting in the trees and from the ground!

Beautiful sight, isn’t it?

Is it me, or are there hundreds of plastic bags stuck all over everything this year?  I don’t remember a year where I’ve seen two bags dangling from a tree, let alone hundreds.

The three you see above are right on our property – entirely different trees – and bags, of course.  

The one in the middle has been stuck there for at least two months.  Every time I walk out the back door I can hear it “chkachkachka” in the wind.  Always makes me turn around and look – then I realize, oh yeah – it’s that bag - stuck way at the top of the Willow.  You think after two months I’d recognize the sound by now…

The bottom pic was a shot taken along the highway where there was literally MILES of bags stuck to things – MILES.  Stunning.  I don’t think when they re-landscaped 696 last year from cement walls to dirt, mulch and various growing things – did they intend for all the plastic blooms this spring.  But here you have it – all those growing twigs have done a great job of catching flying garbage.

Do you think a full sized Semi-truck was driving along, full of the plastic grocery bags we all turned in for recycling – lost its load and that is why there are sooooo many plastic bags everywhere?

I thought we had been trained to use those re-usable bags lately and the litter from the plastic grocery bags was supposed to go away – instead, it’s worse than I have ever seen it!  We in this house are very good at using the re-usables, so I’m not sure where the bags in flight that have now come to land in our trees came from.  But alas – there they are.

Now if I could just get those bags down from the tops of the trees, I have some doggie logs that need to be cleaned up and they would be perfect for the task….

Graphic Failure

Just curious, when you look at this picture what do you think it is telling you to do?

In terms of helpful diagrams, I find this one to be very, very odd and possibly disturbing – I’m not quite sure.

So here is - presumably a girl, with her leg up in the air – she could be doing the twist – or not.

She kind of has on blue underwear, or a bathing suit, but not really, because it’s just a triangle on her right side, like she put her thong on through the wrong leg hole and it’s on sideways, because it’s missing in the front.

She’s holding her right leg, or tapping it like a drum, again, I’m not sure.  I suppose if she was doing the twist there would be music and she could be playing her thigh like a drum.  There’s too much movement to be doing yoga.

How do I know there is movement?  Well, I think it is being suggested by the swishes on each side of her knee, or actually both knees.  So maybe she is also going up and down, doing single leg squats perhaps? Or why would there be movement in front of and behind the knee on her standing leg?  

Or possibly the Can Can is involved?  Her bent leg could be in transition from a kick, again, just going off the glowing swishy noted in front of her right knee.

Now for the item she is holding in her right hand – would anyone like to venture a guess what exactly are they telling us to do there?   

This is a spray can – where are they aiming the spray?  And why?  Her elbow also has a swishy – um, so the can moves up and down?  Ah, there's not enough room in the graphic for it to move anywhere - and the spray certainly doesn't want to go THERE!!

I will not say what company made it.  It’s not dirty, it’s meant for everyday use.  It’s a newer product made by a very large and reputable corporation, so I would think they would have their pick of talented graphic artists – and yet this bizarre picture got on the side of the can? How?  And the person who picked it thought what?  Yes – this depicts my idea perfectly??  Great stuff!  Go to print!

I’m confused and yes, I think I do officially find it disturbing….

April Showers Bring -

 Indoor water parks.

Ah Spring in Michigan – when the neighborhood basements turn into swimming holes and “mud” puddles, depending on your luck – you wish for the swimming hole…

We fortunately (which is certainly not the adjective I would have used yesterday) got a swimming hole.

See the pretty rain water?  How clean and smooth like a still fresh water pond?  If only we had kiddie toy sailboats to float in it while we were cleaning up – certainly that would have made it more fun – no?  Every slosh would have created a wave and the boat could have sailed from my niece’s bedroom to the laundry room, uninhibited – woosh!

The thing is, this part of our basement has never even been dampish before, let alone a reflecting pool.  Actually this house has been pretty lucky on the water in the basement end of things.   

It seems to be a Spring ritual in our state – every April many, many people get a “surprise” in their basement – except we have never participated in that ritual in this house before.  We have a sump pump, some sort of double trap drain and a bazillion tile lines running through the yard to keep our land drained and dry.  That is - when the ground is thawed.

So as the plumber pulled up to help, our neighbors plumber also pulled up and my phone rang from our other favorite neighbor down the road.  All of us – wet, very, very, wet.

Yes, hubby tore out the carpet – it’s so sad looking.  Then we sucked up all the damp with a shop vac, rented an industrial dryer from the neighborhood hardware store, blasted the heat at tropical temps, and had the dehumidifier going full bore.

It’s gonna be fine – it was just rain water; the storm drains were over burdened and couldn’t keep up.  As of right now, 24 plus hours later were in good shape, undecorated, but good.

 

Next week (or so) – new flooring!  I’ll keep you posted, thinking about wood laminate for the laundry room – sounds so clean and fresh – doesn’t it?   

Hope your April showers have not bestowed upon you any portion of the Michigan Great Lakes, or any other lake for that matter.   

Now why would those showers think anyone’s basement needed them?  I’d think it’s safe to say there is not one tulip or daffodil bulb planted in anyone basement – anywhere….. nope, not a single one.

Panic in Detroit

Yesterday I woke up in a complete and utter panic.  I couldn’t find my glasses.  Anywhere.

I tore through the bedroom and the office, looking for them. I had somewhere to be, I was running late and how was I going to drive without my glasses?  My purple glasses?

Here’s the thing folks – I DON’T WEAR GLASSES.  Yeah – scary.

Honestly, I was in a complete tear around the bedroom looking for them.  Then I went into another room – the office - because really, that is the next most logical place for them to be – IF I WORE THEM…

It was in the office that I realized, um, yeah – I can see AND I don't wear glasses...crap.

In all fairness, I used to wear glasses, I got them when I was just six years old and I couldn’t see two inches in front of my face without them, but it has be fifteen years, since I had Lasik surgery (twice) to fix them – FIFTEEN…..YEARS….

Threw my whole day off.

They say if you look for something long enough you will find it. 

So next time I wake up in a panic because I can’t find something – I promise it will be for that Aston Martin DB9 that so far still hasn’t found its way into our garage.  And its Jaguar XKE convertible older cousin that it is off playing on the roads and racetracks with.

Or the seven million dollars that I think is the perfect amount of money to get you through life comfortably, that still is missing from our bank accounts.

Or our hut in Fiji, or the Spanish Villa on the hill overlooking the water, with a lap pool and two acres of land.  

That is what I will be in a panic looking for next time.  Do you think if I call and report any of them stolen, the police will find them and “return” them - to me - their rightful owner?

Um yeah – I lost my hut in Fiji.  I have no idea where it is – I’ve actually never been there – but you see I woke up this morning and just knew it wasn’t where I left it – you know, in Fiji, where I’ve never been.  Can you find it for me?  If you do, I promise, you can spend a week at it every year – on us!!