Orange is the New Tan

Oh my, I think something might be wrong with this man!

Look, he’s out sunning himself in all his glory – on the glorious island of Lanzarote – but something is very wrong.

I’m not sure it completely translates, but I think it does.

What he is not - is tan, what he is - is orange.  A very interesting shade of orange.

I came out the back door of our villa (oohhh, that sounds pretentious doesn’t it??) OK, our rented villa – shared between four people, in the heavenly sun on December 25^th.  Yes, Virginia, this was Christmas Day…  And this fella was sunning himself. 

I couldn’t help but stare, I tried not to be THAT person, but it was impossible.  I had never seen a human carrot before – just dye his hair green and we’d all be wheeling him in for the biggest vegetable prize.

He seemed quite content, as one would be not freezing in the chill back home, no matter where home was – we were all escaping some sort of winter misery.  

But me thinks he planned a little too far in advance and maybe his plan had a flaw – like, don’t use the QT bottle from 1979 you still have in the cupboard – it will turn your skin orange.  That’s the reason it is still in your cupboard – no one ever used it, because of this reason!

Just show up in all your pasty white glory and sport it proudly like the rest of us, no one thinks we are locals.  Slather on the sun screen and spend three days getting some color – even if the color is pink.  Pink is a normal skin shade, one of sunburn (or base color as my husband calls it).  Orange – well orange is not.

So there is a TV series called “Orange is the New Black”, maybe they should have a spin-off based on a tropical island and scout for fellas like these.   Although it might not do as well, because Orange is certainly NOT the new Tan.  

Head to the local spray tanner if you must, but by all means put down /throw out that old white bottle (with the turquoise cap) of QT, they don’t make it anymore – with good reason.

And yes, my Photoshop skills are improving somewhat, his face was blocked out AND I kept within the lines…..yeah!

Giant Symbolism, No Mistakes

Say you are on vacation or out of the country for work – as so many of us are these days.  And perhaps you went out during the evening and had a few drinks – let’s just say Sangria’s for this reference because we’re talking Spain.  Now, when one is relaxing and enjoying themselves, there is always a possibility you may have one too many or maybe just enough – but you have to go to the bathroom and you have to go now.

Now, being in a foreign land, often, there is a language difference.  Usually you can figure out what door you need to enter by the picture on the sign as well as the wording.  Because as you know, sometimes the wording is close to your own language and it’s easy to know which is for the boy and which is for the girl.  But sometimes it is way off (like it is in Ireland where Fir does not mean Female, it means Male – duly noted and lesson previously learned….)

So, let’s sum up this story - you are on a Spanish Island, you have had a few Sangrias and you have to go to the bathroom.  

Can you tell me which one I should go into by the sign?

Ah yes, do you think I made the correct choice by choosing the one above with the giant boobies (and how did they know I was going to be there….haha).  

Of course I did, because look at the choice for the male! 

Oh my, no inhibitions, or bathroom door mistakes, here…

(Yeah, I know - they are the wrong direction - I have what is quite possibly THE SLOWEST internet connection known to man here - so when I find a better spot, I will flip them right.   Thanks!!)

Christmas Donkey

Just a quick note to say, may the Christmas Donkey and his friend Santa Sheep be as generous to you as they have been to us this year!

Merry Christmas from the glorious palm trees, sea blue sky and plentiful volcanic rocks of Lanzarote, Spain.  

And may I just say – this does not suck!!  

You should try to make the "nice" list and ask Santa Sheep for this holiday next year!

Patience Grasshopper

Pulling up to CVS, the local drug store (i.e. Chemist), I see something out of the corner of my eye.  

Something like a giant Teddy Bear.  Is that a giant teddy bear?  What the heck is that way over there by the light pole?

Did a kid drop his giant teddy?  Is there a carnival in town where you could win such a thing?  Are there Christmas toys in the store and already the thing was too heavy or too big to carry once outside the door?  Did a kid steal it and panic?

Or did a parent get tired of driving around with the giant thing in the car – kids fighting over it, dump it by the light pole?

Do you see it?  No – it’s a bit far away, let me zoom in….  

Ohhhh my gosh that’s a dog.  A real live adorable, giant floppy dog!  And what a good dog it is – sitting there tethered to the pole.  Just sitting there, waiting patiently for his owner to return, not barking or caring that I’m relatively close to him.

I never knew that Teddy Bears were real live things, I always thought they were invented for Teddy Roosevelt, but look - apparently there are teddy bear dogs.  How wonderful!  Don't you just want to squeeze the stuffing out of him?

The things you discover when you are out and about in the world – amazing isn’t it?