Taxi, Oh Taxi!

Hmmm, not sure if you can read the above, but it goes something like this:

There was a robbery, the cops showed up, gave chase, the suspects fled, two were caught the other two ESCAPED IN A TAXI……

That’s right girls and boys - a Taxi.

This little snippet is from my town’s monthly paper, these are my crack police officers our hefty property tax dollars are paying for.  Now granted, they have had a lot of cuts to the force in recent years, but how exactly does one escape a robbery – in a taxi???

This is Michigan - we don’t have Taxi’s unless you call one up and order it for a specific time for a specific place.   Even in Detroit city proper, you can’t just randomly catch one there either.  They don’t roam the streets looking for fares like they do in other large cities of the world.  On occasion, if there is a big to-do going on in the D, there could be a line of Taxi’s at the Ren-Cen, but that’s about it.

Plus this is the suburbs, not too many Taxi’s just tooling around the neighborhood streets looking for a fare.  Ok, not ANY.

Can you imagine, your running from the cops, you whip out your cell phone, find the number for a taxi service, anticipate your whereabouts in 20 minutes, show up, flag the taxi and get in?

Or – you’re committing the robbery, you realize that all the loot you just grabbed won’t fit in the car with all four of you, you call a taxi to take some of the guys away after you get your getaway vehicle all loaded up.  The cops show up, you start to run down the street, here comes the taxi – so you act like your late for the airport with your big black trash bag full of loot and say – get us to the airport – pronto!  Taxi guy thinks nothing of it – takes you 35 miles away to the airport, you walk around the terminal for a half hour, walk back outside and take another taxi home – free and clear – with you garbage bag full o’loot!

I’m not exactly sure why they printed this article, wouldn’t it also have been true to just say the other two burglars escaped in a different vehicle?  You really didn’t have to say it was a Taxi?  Do the officers even feel foolish?  Or did they get a big pat on the back for catching two? 

Moral of the story, and you don't need Sherlock for this one, if your house ever gets robbed, remember that taxi you just passed heading away from your home– then check at the airport for anyone wandering around with big black trash bags, full of your stuff.

Ah yes, I feel safe – how about you?

Waiting for Black Friday -

On a Tuesday……

My sister and I were out and about and we passed these fellows, camping on the Best Buy sidewalk, on Tuesday, for a sale that starts on Friday.

For those of you who don’t know, in the states we have this thing called Black Friday – it’s a big sale day after our Thursday Thanksgiving holiday.  This “big” after Thanksgiving sale has been getting bigger and bigger over the years and people have started to camp out for the bargains, but usually they don’t start camping four days early…

Four days - sleeping on the Best Buy sidewalk….. For something you may not even get, the quantities are always “limited” as in three to six total - per store….

At least they don’t have to worry about wildlife, there won’t be any bears  – and the Best Buy has a bathroom, plus they are in a plaza, the grocery store is next door and Starbucks and Taco Bell are in the same center.  It’s not like they are roughing it – completely.  

On our way in my sister asked one of the three guys what they were camping out for – the answer, a video game.  Yes, a video game…. Am I worried about the youth of America – damn straight I am!  Here we have it – our future leaders, obviously smart guys, brought a big tent, chairs, music, a football, hopefully warm sleeping bags (and I’m guessing some video games) – and their life is on hold for four days to get a video game deal.  Or should I say three games – one for each of them. 

When I was in my 20’s (and especially if I were a guy) I would have had no idea what the Black Friday deals were.  They always seem to be tailor made for moms who want to get their kids the latest and greatest thing for Christmas, or some appliance. 

I don’t know, now some stores have decided to start the sales early this year, on the eve of the holiday itself.  Here’s the thing, some working people (i.e. retail employees) only get three holidays a year, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas day.  Three guaranteed days off a year. 

And now, well now some retailers, like the Wal-Mart’s of the world, have decided to take that away from them and to open up on the holiday itself, getting that all important “sale” started early.

It’s not a holiday we don’t celebrate – everyone celebrates Thanksgiving – seems ludicrous to commercialize the only holiday we had left that wasn’t.

Come-on greedy commerce, the people will still be buying on Friday, I can’t see how Thursday can make it better?  You’ve been starting the sales at Midnight for years, wasn’t that enough to ask of your minimum wage employees?  

Then again, I’m not your target market – I don’t care if they are giving away my dream convection oven – you will never catch me sleeping out on a sidewalk, for a sale and I’m quite frugal, master coupon user all the way!

Anyway – good luck to you boys, hope you get your video game and you still have a job on Friday – that is if you haven’t been playing the game non-stop since the time you brought it home and have lost all track of time, thus missing your shift, and well – you see where this circle is going.  Sigh.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, may the wishbone break in your direction!

Riding - On My Mower - Through Town

On first glance this may look like a guy cutting his lawn – but it’s not… It’s a guy - riding down the sidewalk - on his mower.  

It’s November 19^th in Michigan, our lawn mowing days have been over- for many, many weeks….

I was out for a walk and spotted this guy coming at me.  I thought – is he riding down the sidewalk?  

Three blocks later as I stepped out of his way, it was clear, he was riding - on his mower - down Beaconsfield.  Not the street I would pick if I was using my lawn mower for transportation since it seems to be the ONLY road our Police Department ever monitors.   But, there he is – just driving along….

I get past him and clumsily “whip” out my cell phone and zoom in.  I was waiting for him to cross the street.  I bet if I had turned around and stealthily followed behind him another block I could have caught him in the road.  Why you ask?

Because the only valid reason I can think of for hauling your Lawn Boy out in late November and driving it down the sidewalk would to be to take it to the gas station or to Lowes.  Both of which would have required him to cross the road to get there.  The Lowes option being a much safer one, as it is literally located in our neighborhood.  The gas station, on the other hand, would require he cross six lanes of traffic, on Eight Mile, for a fill up.

  

I was thinking he may have needed a part and was just taking the thing to the source, instead of taking the part out and carrying it into the Lowes, like everyone else does.  Then again, the mower seemed to be running just fine, so what part could he have needed??

   

I simply don’t know - maybe he was jonesing for a coffee and was on his way to the Tim Hortons?  They say “You always have time for Tim Horton’s” – but maybe he didn’t and when walking wouldn’t get him there fast enough – he resorted to his trusty mower….

I’m gonna zoom, zoom, zooma, zoom, I’m gonna zooma, zooma, zooma, zoom!!

Cruisin On A Friday Afternoon

Now you have to look closely, but there is a black curly doggie riding around in the back window of this beautiful early 80’s land cruiser (and I mean that affectionately, I truly love a big old GM ride).

That has got to be the greatest gig ever in a dog’s life!  This is just as good, or maybe better, than the magic carpet ride our dog gets every night (see earlier post).   

It’s like this – the car is so big it probably seems like he’s laying on an old comfortable couch and his living room view changes all the time.  It just cruises around for him all day.  He doesn’t have to move, the scenery keeps coming to him – forget staring at birds and squirrels through the window at home out into the same old yard, he’s in the big leagues here.  Literally.  

I wonder when he discovered the couch in the back window?   Did he originally see a squirrel, hop up in there and there realize, damn – look at all this cool shit, this is where it’s at – I’m never getting down – so comfy too.  And don’t even think about going anywhere without me from now on – I’m king of the world and I’m riding along with Rose!!!  Ok, maybe he would need to be up on the dashboard for that reference, but still – it’s pretty close!  And the car is rose colored, so yeah – I named her.

Simply the lap of luxury – got my Cadillac, my driver, the sky, people always smiling and pointing at me – yeah – I’m the prince!  Never getting my curly locks windblown or bugs in my nose like those goofy sloppy big dogs that hang out the window, ears a flappin.  Nope not me, I just look out and the world presents itself to me like a big ole movie screen.   Let’s see those big dogs get their 70lb behinds up on my perch.  No way, they’d just get one or two paws up and block the whole window – slobbering all over everything.   Cadillac hand built this for me; I wonder if that’s still an option on the new CTS’?  Shame if it’s not.

How much is that doggie in the window, the one with the waggly tail, how much is that doggie in the window, I do hope that doggie’s for sale – arf, arf, arf….

My Face Looks Like A Pepperoni Slice

I’m not going to take a picture of my fat face, a real pepperoni slice is going to have to do…

Last night around midnight my right eye starts to itch.  I’d been sitting up reading and suddenly my eye itches - alot.  I get up, wash my face, there’s a little bump by my eye – I think, hmmm, something bit me.  Odd, its winter, no mosquitoes – must have been a spider? 

Then a few hours later my cheek starts to itch, I get up and take a Benadryl.  A couple weeks ago I had a bumpy chest and thought I had hives or something, so I bought some Benadryl.  We don’t normally keep Benadryl in the house because it kicks my tail when I take one, but I was happy it was here and thought it would help my itchy cheek and eye. 

Finally go to sleep.

 My husband’s alarm goes off at 6:00, my face is roasting, I go in the bathroom, my right eye is almost swollen shut, my left eye has some weird fluid filled quarter sized bump by it and my face is giant, round, mottled red and looks like a pepperoni.

I come back and share the news with my husband who tells me I don’t look so bad.  Ten minutes later I have two ice packs on my face, he’s brewed me up a concoction of crushed ice and water in ziplocks, it’s so hot and itchy I just want to rip my face off.  

We go through the list, what did you do yesterday, what did you wear, any new soap, what did you eat, what did you put on your face, did you stick your fingers in your eyes…..  All I can come up with is I opened a brand new tube of mascara yesterday.  But I put that on at 9:00 in the morning; I didn’t start to itch until 15 hours later at midnight.  

As I lay hidden under two big ice packs he says, you have to go to the doctor.  I know, but I just took another Benadryl (the first one having worked so well at midnight….) There is no way I can drive anywhere.  

He gets ready for work, I’m in a Benadryl stupor, he calls into work – Yeah, my wife’s face looks like a Pepperoni and her eye looks like a prize fighter hit her - gotta take her to the docs, I’m going be late today.  Aww, Thanks baby – love you too!

Have you ever had a steroid shot?  Me either.  Well, they give them to you in your bum and surprisingly they hurt, a lot.  Did not expect that.   Now I don’t know if I should go home and go to bed or hit the gym to get the benefits of the steroid shot and finally make my arms look like Kelly Ripas.

Then the doc says - if I were you I wouldn’t go into work today, you’ll scare everyone.  Gee, thanks doc, guess the gyms out too.  And since it’s your face, I want you to call me back if it gets any worse today.  Here’s the thing doc, if it gets any worse, both my eyes will be swelled shut and I won’t be able to see that it’s worse, but sure – I’m on it.

Round one – pepperoni  slice