I’m sitting on the couch reading the paper, yes I still read
the actual Sunday paper, and there’s a loud commotion
outside.
I stand up and look out the window. Two grown men are yelling at each other in
the park across the street - one is dressed in full diving gear and the other
is holding a bottle in the air wrapped in a brown paper bag. Hmmmm.
Then I notice the brown paper bag guy is filming the
exchange on his phone, whilst screaming at the scuba man. The scuba mans English is not so good, but he
is yelling back.
So I quickly kick into Detroit Auntie B mode and go outside - on the balcony (our living space is on the
second floor here in Melbourne – better to see the world I guess).
“Hey – everything alright here??” I yell down – they are now on my front lawn.
They both look up and tell me everything is “Fine”.
Then scuba man says “Tell him to stop following me, he can’t
follow me” and brown paper bag man says – “He’s got five clams, he’s only
allowed two”.
WTF???
Then the confessions continue -
Scuba “He’s drinking, there’s no drinking allowed in the
park”
Brown Paper “I’m not in the park anymore” (na na - na na na)
Scuba “And I am allowed five clams, (shows me the clams) they
are for my personal use, I know the regulations”
They both suggest I call the cops.
Now as far as I’m concerned they are both in the wrong –
there are signs that clearly state no alcohol AND no fishing for shellfish. But what do I know? I’m not calling the cops
on five clams and liter of beer.
So I yell down, “I think it’s time you both separate,
Y’all”
Y’all??? Have I ever
used this word in my life?? Y’all? Suddenly I’m a southern girl, can I be any
more American? Does this stuff just come out of
your recessive genes when you are in foreign lands?
They walk a bit down the street then paper bag guy joins up
with friends that obviously disowned him when he started yelling at scuba
guy.
I went in the house.
Then I laughed. I really am full
on Auntie B – even to strangers 10,000 miles from home, or else why would they
be trying to explain to me why they are arguing, trying to prove one is more at
fault than the other and showing me the evidence…. Maybe I can start feeling a
little bit more at home here now?
